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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below gives information about the number of social networking sites people used in Canada in 2014 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below gives information about the number of social networking sites people used in Canada in 2014 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #sites #people #canada #summarise #features #comparisons
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The bar chart illustrates the load measurements where residents living in Charlestown between 1955 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, the proportion of obese
people
Use synonyms
 experienced an upward trend,
however
Linking Words
 ratio of ideal pressure
people
Use synonyms
 a downward trend indicated in the years.
on the other hand
Linking Words
, if we go to the older
ages
Use synonyms
, we can clearly see the rate of obese
people
Use synonyms
 gradual increase in 2015,
furthermore
Linking Words
number
Change the article
the number
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who less than ideal load decreased if we look closer to 2015. İnterestingly, healthy density
people
Use synonyms
 who among 20-19
ages
Use synonyms
 rose to approximately 80% from
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
about 70% in the sixth decade,
however
Linking Words
 interest
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 ideal pressure
people
Use synonyms
 who among 30-39
ages
Use synonyms
 fell from 60% to
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
about 55%.
While
Linking Words
 we can't see obese
people
Use synonyms
 until the 40s,
ages
Use synonyms
 in 1955 we go through
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
2015
this
Linking Words
 situation its
change
Replace the word
changed
show examples
 and with
this
Linking Words
 thing
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of obese
people
Use synonyms
 between 20-29 and 30-39
ages
Use synonyms
 increased
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
by about 2% and 11% respectively.
Linking Words
moreover
Add a comma
,moreover
show examples
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of healthy
people
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
ages
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
40-49 decreased
until
Change preposition
apply
show examples
by about 40% from
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
about 60%
Submitted by emin07candemir on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, ages with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
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