IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

During a recent plane journey, you sat next to a businessman who owns a chain of restaurants. You talked to him and he suggested that you should contact him about a possible job in one of his restaurants. Write a letter to this businessman. In your letter: Remind him when and where you met. Tell him what kind of job you are interested in. Say why you think you would be suitable for the job.

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My name is Anastassia, and we acquainted two weeks ago on the flight F-125 from Tokyo to Toronto. You suggested that I contact you with the purpose of discussing the possibility of my work in one of your restaurants. First of all, let me, please, introduce myself. I'm 25 years old, bachelor's degree in "Business Management" from Toronto University. I have 3 years experience of managing the "Hello"cafe in Downtown Toronto.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I have a
cheif
Correct your spelling
chief
 diploma, so I have a real possibility to understand what happens in a restaurant kitchen. I think
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 I did my best, but now I'm looking for a bigger place, with more requirements and staff. I believe that I can do more,
this
Linking Words
 cafe feels too small,and I have much more power and knowledge. So, if you have any free position for me, it will be fine. Looking forward to hearing from you. Best regards, Anastassia

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coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical structure of your letter by organizing your thoughts more clearly and grouping related information together.
task achievement
Consider revising some of the phrasing for a more natural and professional tone, such as 'I believe that I can do more' instead of 'I think, I did my best.'
task achievement
You have successfully provided all the required information: reminding him when and where you met, explaining the kind of job you are interested in, and stating why you think you would be suitable for the job.
greeting and closing
Your letter has a clear opening and closing, with a polite and professional tone throughout.
single idea per paragraph
Each paragraph focuses on a specific topic, which helps readers follow your narrative well.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • chain of restaurants
  • potential job opportunity
  • relevant experience
  • managerial role
  • customer service
  • qualifications
  • certifications
  • unique skills
  • eagerness
  • admiration
  • resume
  • references
  • face-to-face meeting
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