IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Successful sports professional can earn a great deal more money than people in other important profession. Some people think this is fully justified while other think that it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#sports #money #people #profession
Although
 it is sometimes thought that sports people should have an equitable distribution of salary like others expert, some individuals believe that the focus should be on their activities like entertaining and hard-working rather than their salaries. In my opinion, I consider that it is their right that they earn a sizeable amount of wealth than other professionals. On the one hand, some individuals think that since professional athletes are industrious and entertaining, they had better earn a huge amount of salary and I agree.
In other words
, events and competitions attract many viewers which,
consequently
, numerous tickets are sold and many conglomerates put countless
money
 on them to introduce their goods in order to generate more profit.
As a result
 of
this
 revenue for the sports industry, sports people ought to earn a sizeable load of
money
.
In addition
, being a top athlete requires hours of practice.
For example
, Cristiano Ronaldo wakes up at 5 o’clock and not only has he strenuous exercise but
also
 has a strict diet.
Therefore
, they deserve to earn more
money
.
On the other hand
, it is often believed that sports people do not provide a vital service;
therefore
, they should not be paid more than other experts.
For instance
, football players earn numerous salaries by simple kicking a ball, in fact, we could all live happily without professional football.
Moreover
, we ought to value professional
such
 as nurses and teachers some highly that has significant effects on our life.
For example
, teachers who teach in deprived areas play a vital role in children’s future;
therefore
, they are more likely to be useful for their society. In conclusion, while people may vary in their opinion, I think that sports people have well-deserved to earn a sizeable amount of
money
 as they are amusing and striving.
Submitted by sima.aliakbarr on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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