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Writing Samples /
Band 5

The organizer of the annual festival is going to organize the festival in your place. Write a letter to the organizer giving feedback for last year and suggestions for this year. In your letter, you should: give your feedback for the last festival tell me what you can do for the new festival suggestions about the new festival.

#organizer #place #feedback #year #suggestions
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing
this
 letter concerning the yearly festival being held at my house on the 20th of April 2020. I am so thrilled after knowing that
this
 year’s fair is to be organised at my home.
Last
 year, it was splendid and astonishing. Everything was well organized and synchronized perfectly, and particularly the plethora of cuisines displayed at the fair was awe-inspiring.
Moreover
, the ambience of the entire fair was glamorous and elegant. Let me explain about myself a bit. I
am
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 an event manager for the past 5 years and
hence
 I have managed various college events and
conference
Fix the agreement mistake
conferences
show examples
 previously.
Furthermore
, I have some connections that could assist you in
this
 event,
for instance
, there are a few disc jockeys in my contact who are incredibly talented and affordable.
Additionally
, if you have any issues with the decoration do let me know, I know some decorators and suppliers who can provide items required efficiently and at a low cost.
Also
, If there are any requirements to be done, please don’t hesitate to contact me.
Although
 the previous year's festival was astounding,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
I had a few suggestions to upgrade the enthusiasm even more,
for example
, including a singing and dancing competition would be zealous.
In addition
 to
this
, even though the variety of cuisine presented was
amazing
Rephrase
as amazing
show examples
 as the former festival,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
adding a live kitchen would enhance the serving experience to another level. Let me know what you think of my ideas. I am looking forward to hearing from you soon. Thanking you Yours sincerely, Shakib Qureshi
Submitted by tasbeauty.nature on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea to improve clarity and structure.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary sentence structures for better fluency and coherence.
task achievement
You have addressed the task requirements effectively, providing feedback and suggestions for the festival.
coherence cohesion
Well-structured introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Clear and relevant ideas presented in the letter.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 150 words in writing task 1. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long letter will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 160 to 190 words in writing task 1. This will ensure a concise letter and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 20 minutes to write the letter and you need around 5 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long letter in 15 minutes.

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