IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theater ,is a waste of money . Government must the money in public services instead. To what extend do you agree with this situation?

#government #investment #arts #music #theater #waste #money #services #situation
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Government
Use synonyms
 plays a significant role in human development
.
Accept space
.
 Some people think that
government
Use synonyms
spend
Suggestion
spends
money
Use synonyms
 in
theater
a building where theatrical performances or motion-picture shows can be presented
theatre
 and music is a wastage of
money
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 they must spend
this
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
 in civil service. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
Government
Use synonyms
invest
Suggestion
invests
is investing
money
Use synonyms
 in
highway system
Suggestion
the highway system
 because road service is not well infrastructure and large
patholes
(nontechnical usage) a tiny piece of anything
particles
 and slugs on
road
Suggestion
the road
.
Government
Use synonyms
 should spend
money
Use synonyms
 to improve highway
syastem
instrumentality that combines interrelated interacting artifacts designed to work as a coherent entity
system
systems
 because it
improve
Suggestion
improves
 transportation and
problems
Suggestion
the problems
 which face by travellers who towards their destination. It
Linking Words
also help
Suggestion
also helps
has also helped
 the travellers to reach on time. Moving
further
Linking Words
, if
Use synonyms
government
Suggestion
the government
Linking Words
also spend
Suggestion
also spends
money
Use synonyms
 in education
organisation
Accept comma addition
organisation, for
for
Linking Words
example in
Accept comma addition
example, in
government
Use synonyms
 schools and colleges to improve their infrastructure and teaching way. The
government
Use synonyms
invest
Suggestion
invests
has invested
is investing
money
Use synonyms
 to
gave
Suggestion
give
 advance technology facilities in
Use synonyms
government school
Suggestion
government schools
a government school
 to give students advance knowledge. In
this
Linking Words
government
Use synonyms
schools
Suggestion
school
 students get better job opportunities. If a person
get
Suggestion
gets
 a better job so
they
of them or themselves
their
 financial support their parents. To elaborate
,
Accept space
,
educational system
Suggestion
the educational system
 of
india
a republic in the Asian subcontinent in southern Asia; second most populous country in the world; achieved independence from the United Kingdom in 1947
India
 is not well
this
Linking Words
 is the reason the
india
either extremity of something that has length
end
indie
idea
 is not counted in successful countries. On the other side, some people think that
government
Use synonyms
invest
Suggestion
invests
money
Use synonyms
 in the art
such
Linking Words
 as music and
theater
a building where theatrical performances or motion-picture shows can be presented
theatre
 is not a
wastage
Suggestion
waste
 of
money
Use synonyms
 because entertainment sources is
also
Linking Words
 very important for life. It is
joyfulplace
Suggestion
a joyful place
joyful place
 for people to visit
theater
Suggestion
the theatre
theatre
 on
tgeir
of them or themselves
their
 weekend and relax from their stressful lives. People spend their leisure time with their families and
friend
Suggestion
friends
. To conclude, improvement in
education system
Suggestion
the education system
 is
most important source
Suggestion
the most important source
a most important source
 for investing
money
Use synonyms
 rather than spend
money
Use synonyms
 in entertainment sources.
Submitted by surindervirk1118 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: