IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some young people choose to start work instead of continuing their studies at university. Why do they choose to work?

For these days, some young people will start the employment before them studies at
university
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.
This
Linking Words
 might be caused by some reasons like financial
problem
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 and give
themselves
objective case of they
them
 a rest before going to the
university
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.
First
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 of all, financial
problem
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 could be a
problem
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to
Suggestion
of
with
 who need to
study
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 abroad or fees are higher when
compare
Suggestion
compares
 to high school and
university
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. When young people
study
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 abroad, they will from developing country to
developed country
Suggestion
a developed country
 for
take
Suggestion
taking
 a higher
places
Suggestion
place
 or a great knowledge, and they will face financial
problem
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 when their
Use synonyms
money
Suggestion
monetary
 cost is lower than the country
money
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 cost which they want to
study
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. Some students may want to
study
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 in local
university
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, but the income from parents isn’t adequate,
then
Linking Words
 they will need to work for
money
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 too.
Second
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, some young people might think that they want to have a rest or relax time between graduated from high school and continuing at
university
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.
Hence
Linking Words
, they will have a job to earn some
money
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 for play and relax and so on.
For instance
Linking Words
, some young people might want to relax and
play but
Accept comma addition
play, but
 they don’t have any
money
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, so they will go to have a work for
earn
Suggestion
earning
money
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. In conclusion, the two reasons that some young people choose to start work
instead
Linking Words
 of continuing their studied at
university
Use synonyms
 are financial
problem
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 and give
themselves
objective case of they
them
 a rest before going to the
university
Use synonyms
.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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