IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.
#first #information #money #british #parents #children’s #sports #second #children #three #britain #time #period
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The first line chart illustrates how much money was spent on
to
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
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 by their parents in the United Kingdom from 2008 to 2014. The
second
Linking Words
 one represents the
number
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 of British kids
participated
Correct pronoun usage
who participated
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 in football, athletics and swimming over the same period. The average monthly funding
on
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for
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children
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’s sports rose gradually from 20 pounds to over 30 pounds across the timeframe.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the trend of swimming
also
Linking Words
 increased steadily. The
number
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 of
children
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 who played football remained
reasonablye
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reasonably
 stable, which far
outstriped
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outstripped
outstrip
than
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that of
two
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the two
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 other sports.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
number
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 of
children
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 who played athletics remained more or less the same till 2010 and it skyrocketed and overtook that of swimming before it receded in 2014. There were around 8 to 9
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millions
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million
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of
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young people participating in football between 2008 and 2014. The
number
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 of
children
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 participating in
other
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the other
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 two sports
were
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was
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 much fewer. Comparing the
number
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 of
children
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 who participated in swimming in 2008 to that of 2014, it rose by 2
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millions
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million
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 in total to roughly 4
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millions
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million
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 in 2014. Originally less than 1 million
of
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kids participated in athletics before 2010,
however
Linking Words
, it grew significantly to over 5
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millions
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million
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 in 2012 before it receded slightly two years later.
Submitted by kelvinmang888 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words children, number, millions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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