IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.
#first #information #money #british #parents #children’s #sports #second #children #three #britain #time #period
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The first line chart illustrates how much money was spent on
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
 by their parents in the United Kingdom from 2008 to 2014. The
second
 one represents the
number
 of British kids
participated
Correct pronoun usage
who participated
show examples
 in football, athletics and swimming over the same period. The average monthly funding
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
children
’s sports rose gradually from 20 pounds to over 30 pounds across the timeframe.
Similarly
, the trend of swimming
also
 increased steadily. The
number
 of
children
 who played football remained
reasonablye
Correct your spelling
reasonably
 stable, which far
outstriped
Correct your spelling
outstripped
outstrip
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that of
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 other sports.
In contrast
, the
number
 of
children
 who played athletics remained more or less the same till 2010 and it skyrocketed and overtook that of swimming before it receded in 2014. There were around 8 to 9
millions
Correct your spelling
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
young people participating in football between 2008 and 2014. The
number
 of
children
 participating in
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 two sports
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 much fewer. Comparing the
number
 of
children
 who participated in swimming in 2008 to that of 2014, it rose by 2
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in total to roughly 4
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 2014. Originally less than 1 million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
kids participated in athletics before 2010,
however
, it grew significantly to over 5
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 2012 before it receded slightly two years later.
Submitted by kelvinmang888 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words children, number, millions with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: