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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie charts below show the most common advantages and disadvantages of Bowen Island, according to a survey of visitors. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show the most common advantages and disadvantages of Bowen Island, according to a survey of visitors. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The pie charts illustrate
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 most common
advantages
Use synonyms
 and
disadvantages
Use synonyms
 of
Boven
Use synonyms
Island
Use synonyms
 based on tourist responses to a questionnaire.
Overall
Linking Words
,looking at the all positive and negative responses to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 survey, there are unignorable common
advantages
Use synonyms
 to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
appeal to
Add an article
a guest
show examples
guest
Fix the agreement mistake
guests
show examples
 who want to visit
Boven
Use synonyms
Island
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as the scenery.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 there are
also
Linking Words
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 common
disadvantages
Use synonyms
 where a large extent of visitors complain
that is
Linking Words
high
Add an article
the high
show examples
 cost of living. It is noticeable that
Boven
Use synonyms
Island
Use synonyms
evaluated
Add a missing verb
is evaluated
show examples
 as
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good by visitors in
field
Add an article
the field
show examples
 of the people and scenery here. Nearly
one
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
third
Linking Words
 of the respondents rated the scenery as one of the most common
advantages
Use synonyms
 of the
Island
Use synonyms
.
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
,the people is seen as an advantage by tourist in no small measure %42.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the opposite trend can be seen when we look at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
culture and accommodation.
Linking Words
This
Change the determiner
These
show examples
 two
advantages
Use synonyms
 account for 12% and 11%
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Boven
Use synonyms
Island
Use synonyms
 respectively. With regard to
disadvantages
Use synonyms
,the proportion of guests who considered
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Boven
Use synonyms
Island
Use synonyms
 to be
high
Add an article
the high
a high
show examples
 cost of living
account
Fix the agreement mistake
accounts
show examples
 for one-half. One
fourth
Change preposition
of fourth
show examples
Island
Use synonyms
 guests rated reachable entertainment options as
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
disadvantages
a disadvantage
show examples
disadvantages
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
 ,the proportion of visitors who considered the weather and food quality
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
important common
Use synonyms
disadvantages
Correct the article-noun agreement
disadvantage
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
Island
Use synonyms
 is 10% and 15% respectively.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words advantages, disadvantages, boven, island with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • According to the survey
  • Visitors reported
  • The pie charts show
  • The most common advantages/disadvantages
  • A significant proportion
  • A small percentage
  • In contrast
  • Notably
  • The largest segment
  • Similarly
  • On the other hand
  • A major advantage/disadvantage
  • To highlight
  • Overall effect
  • Impact the experience
  • In summary
  • Illustrates
  • Reflects
  • Highlights
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