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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows information and predictions regarding the change in percentage of the population aged 65 and above in three countries.

The table below shows information and predictions regarding the change in percentage of the population aged 65 and above in three countries.
#information #predictions #change #percentage #population #three #countries
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The table gives information about, three different nations (Canada, Germany and
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
) information and calculations about the change in
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
show examples
 of the
people
 who are
65years
Correct your spelling
65 years
 and beyond in 1988, 2000 and 2030.
Overall
, it can be seen that the population of elders is predicted to rise in the entire period given. The highest percentage of older
people
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 in
in
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
Germany, which remained at the top till 2030. The lowest
figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
65years
Correct your spelling
65 years
 old
people
 and above was in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
. In 1988, the
figure
 in Canada
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 elders was 16.32 which rise almost above 4% in 2000 but it is expected to rise
till
Change preposition
to
show examples
 26.35 in 2030. Germany, which was at the top of
figure
Correct article usage
the figure
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 senior
people
in contrast
 to
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 countries begin with 20.45
after
Correct word choice
and after
show examples
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 12
years
, it reached
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
25.32.
This
figure
 seems to incline in 2030
over
Change preposition
by over
show examples
 30%.
United
Correct article usage
The United
show examples
 Kingdom remained to be the lowest in the percentage of 65years and a head which was under 15
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 (14.23% and 14.89%, respectively) in 1988 and 2000 but it can jump
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 20.35 after coming 20years from 2010.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, years, figure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gives" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage change
  • population
  • aged 65 and above
  • information
  • table
  • data
  • trends
  • patterns
  • comparison
  • predicted
  • future
  • findings
  • comment
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