Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #entertainers #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #money

With the rapid development of modern technologies

such

as the internet or television, entertainers have become increasingly popular. Some people believe that celebrities are getting too high-paid salaries. Given that it is not fair to others and some celebrities are not well deserved, I completely agree that they are paid too much money.

First

of all, Having

such

an enormous

salary

is unfair to those working in other vocations which contribute much more to the

society

For instance

, an engineer has an average monthly

salary

of HK$ 30000, while a famous film star or a pop musician can earn more than a million in less than one month.

Although

some vocations

such

as doctors, engineers or scientists solve real world problems for the

society

, they are not getting the wages that they deserved and indeed, even less than those stars who entertain others only.

Therefore

, I think that it’s unfair to those who really benefit the

society

at large.

Moreover

, some celebrities are not deserved to get

such

a high-paid

salary

. As an example, it is reported that there are many sports stars or film stars are involved in some crimes

such

as utilise illegal medicines or participate a violent fight. A celebrities should be a role model to the general public

otherwise

some tender and vulnerable children may portray their actions.

As a result

, some entertainers are not really deserved to get

such

an enormous

wages

Suggestion

wage

. Having discussed that entertainers who receive

such

a high-paying

salary

are

Suggestion

unfair to others and some are not deserved to. I firmly agree that they are being paid too much money. If the money could be used widely, I am confident that the

society

would be much better than before.

Submitted by kelvinmang888 on Thu Apr 09 2020

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

287 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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