IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large no. of young adults compared with the no. of older people.

#time #population #countries #adults #people
In some countries
percentage
Suggestion
the percentage
 of young adults
has increased
Suggestion
have increased
 significantly, and the number of older people decreased. In
this
 essay I will consider the pros and cons of
this
. Speaking about advantages, it can be a blessing for economy of those countries. Young adults are the ones, who get paid, pay taxes, produce some goods and bring a contribution to
country’s GDP
Suggestion
the country’s GDP
a country’s GDP
. They
also
 travel a lot, use different services and so on.
Such
 impact boosts the economy of the whole country. Young people are often healthier and more positive about life.
However
, if there are too many young people, unemployment rates would go up. That would lead to the rise of crime and suicide rates. To sum up, there are surely some benefits of the number of young people
overweighting
 senior citizens.
However
, we need to take care of older people, as they represent our history and our past.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: