IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australias share of the Japanese tourist market. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australias share of the Japanese tourist market. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
#show #japanese #tourists #australias #tourist #market #report #university #lecturer #information
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The provided bar
garph
Correct your spelling
graph
graphs
illustrate
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrates
show examples
 the number of
japanese
Change the capitalization
Japanese
show examples
 travellers who visited foreign countries from 1985 to 1995,
whereas
 the line graph gives information on the market
share
 of
australia
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Australia
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 japan's tourism sector. It can be seen that in 1985, about 5 million people from japan travelled abroad,
whereas
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end in 1995. the figure
triple
Wrong verb form
tripled
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 and
it
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its
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reach
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reaches
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to
Change preposition
apply
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15 million. During
this
 period of
japanese
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Japanese
show examples
 travelling
trend
Correct article usage
the trend
show examples
 number slightly reduced but after
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 increase was observed
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 1995.
On the other hand
, in 1985
australias
Correct your spelling
Australian
share
 remained at 2
percent
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per cent
show examples
 of
japanese
Change the capitalization
Japanese
show examples
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
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.
Whereas
a
Change the article
an
show examples
increse
Correct your spelling
increase
 was observed
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 1988.
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however
owever
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However
, in 1989
this
 percentage reduced slightly
after
Correct word choice
and after
show examples
 that again
incresement
Correct your spelling
increment
 in
share
 was observed and
this
 trend goes till 1993 and
that
Change preposition
at that
show examples
 time
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Australias
show examples
australias
Correct your spelling
Australia
share
 was beyond 6
percent
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per cent
show examples
 and in the
last
Add a comma
,last
show examples
 it will
became
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become
show examples
 equal to 6 in 1994 In conclusion,
japanese
Change the capitalization
Japanese
show examples
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 travelled abroad and in
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 decade
australias
Change the capitalization
Australias
show examples
share
 of
japanese
Change the capitalization
Japanese
show examples
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 they both are increased.
Submitted by reema10das on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words japanese, share with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reduced" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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