The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In
this
context
first I
Accept comma addition
first, I
would like to open few important points, When we were in our schooling, usually we don't care that much
on
Suggestion
about
fitness as at that time
this
current hesitation of smartphone wasn't there, we used to play more physical games than sitting 2 to 3 hours in raw playing mobile phones or video games. But coming to current
situation it
Accept comma addition
situation, it
seems necessary to add
this
in course curriculum,
but
Suggestion
But
only adding
this
into course won't help as the time passes students leaves their schools and joins
clgs
become or cause to become obstructed
clogs
colleagues
, and
further
joins organisations to make their professional career. At these places work usually tend to be more hectic and stressful and
actully
in actual fact
actually
at
Suggestion
in
these
place
Suggestion
places
we require exercise and yoga kind of things. Our health ministry can make these mandatory for the any organization working full time or less to conduct
such
exercises on
regular basis
Suggestion
a regular basis
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: