IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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At present, natural oil is the primary source of
energy
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 that powers the world economy.
However
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, there is a notion that the world has been spending excessively on oil exploration, and it suggests that the money should be utilised in a better way to fund innovations that could generate alternative
energy
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sources
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such
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 as wind and solar power. I totally agree with the idea that we should spend more money to develop renewable
sources
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 of power because it would mitigate the effects of global climate change. One of the reasons is that using renewable
energy
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 is the most effective way to combat global warming. By turning our reliance on more sustainable
energy
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sources
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,
such
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 as solar and wind, we will produce less CO2.
Then
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, our world would become greener and more favourable to live in.
For example
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, when a person decides to use an EV car
instead
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 of a petrol one, he will produce less CO2, which
as a result
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 would be less harmful to our environment. If a million people decide to do the same, the impact would be massive.
However
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, some might say that it would affect the global economy since it takes time and resources to develop new
sources
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 of clean
energy
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.
In particular
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, it takes plenty of time to generate a certain amount of
energy
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 needed to function in a factory,
while
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 it is easier and quicker for factory owners to use fossil fuels to produce the power. Despite
this
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 appeal, I believe that it is better that we try to utilise more environmentally friendly resources so as to reduce the impact of CO2 emissions on our environment. In conclusion,
although
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 some might argue that we should still use natural gas to fuel our economy, I think our earth deserves better treatment, and using renewable
energy
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 would be the best option to ensure that it remains green.

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relevant specific examples
While the essay presents relevant examples, you could strengthen it by providing a bit more depth to certain points. For instance, mentioning more specific examples of countries or industries successfully transitioning to renewable energy would add weight to your argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
There is a minor grammatical error in the sentence: "Despite this appeal, I believe that it is better that we try to utilize..." It should be "...better if we...". Working on minor grammatical accuracy will further polish your essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
You have effectively outlined the importance of renewable energy and how it positively impacts the environment, supported by examples like the use of EV cars.
logical structure
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This logical flow greatly aids in the readability and overall coherence of your response.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • finite
  • renewable energy sources
  • expenditure
  • compromise
  • sustainable
  • environmental impact
  • infrastructure
  • economic sustainability
  • dependency
  • fluctuating prices
  • stimulate
  • job creation
  • vested interests
  • transition
  • reluctance
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