IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Online shopping is increasing dramatically. How could this trend affect our environment and the kinds of jobs required? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

In the cutting-edge world, the
Internet
Use synonyms
 plays a vital role in diverse aspects of life, which leads to a significant development of online shopping.
This
Linking Words
 tendency actually affects the
environment
Use synonyms
 in terms of decreasing air pollution
as well as
Linking Words
 providing more job opportunities for people. On the one hand,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 buying things on the
Internet
Use synonyms
 would bring about several environmental advantages. One reason is that everyone can easily purchase
kinds
Correct word choice
various kinds
show examples
 of stuff from the website in place of
directly going shopping
Correct word order
going shopping directly
show examples
;
hence
Linking Words
, the number of vehicles will considerably decrease.
As a result
Linking Words
, air pollution
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 seriously affects the
environment
Use synonyms
before
Punctuation problem
before,
show examples
 will be significantly improved. Another reason is that there is too much light from a range of advertisements, which appear around the streets
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 neon boards.
This
Linking Words
 has a bad influence on the natural
environment
Use synonyms
, especially
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
 animals and plants.
Consequently
Linking Words
, using online shopping as a tool to advertise
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
goods is an effective way to reduce light pollution.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is obvious that society has
also
Linking Words
 been affected by
this
Linking Words
 trend. Nowadays, some employees can work from home;
for instance
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
freelancer
Fix the agreement mistake
freelancers
show examples
 or web
designer
Fix the agreement mistake
designers
show examples
. Thanks to the unprecedented growth on the
Internet
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 online shopping, a large number of people tend to work
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 jobs depending on the demand of customers. Thereby, unemployment
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
relates
Wrong verb form
related
show examples
 to information technology has not been a massive issue because of the booming
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
buying
things
Change preposition
of things
show examples
 through the
Internet
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, online shopping has positive impacts on both the
environment
Use synonyms
 and the
economical
Correct word choice
economic
show examples
 status of the country.
Besides
Linking Words
 the benefits of it on the
environment
Use synonyms
, creating many job opportunities for people from online shops should not be denied.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details.
task achievement
In your introduction, clearly state your main points that you will discuss.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You discussed both environmental benefits and job opportunities of online shopping.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: