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Writing Samples
Band 4

Many children who are home-schooled are not prepared for university at the same rate of children in government-funded schools. What do you think are the causes of this? What effects will this have on society?

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Globalization has become one of the most important changes in
contemporary
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the contemporary
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 world, affecting more
parents
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 to create
school
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 conditions at
home
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 for their
children
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.
However
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, the quality of
knowledge
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 of
students
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 who
study
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 at
home
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 is not enough when it comes to university
while
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school
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students
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 are more prepared for it. The reasons for
this
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 issue
seems
Correct subject-verb agreement
seem
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 to be modern opportunities, which establish young people’s
study
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 place today. One of the main opportunities causing that kind of difference is
availability
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the availability
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 of technologies and sources
in
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for
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 learning purposes. It means that people can find relevant information from the internet and by using devices at
home
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study
Fix the infinitive
to study
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 basic subjects in order to teach their
children
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.
For instance
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,
parents
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 want to give
knowledge
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 in physics from several internet resources and
showing
Wrong verb form
show
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 videos on
computer
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the computer
a computer
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. In comparison with
knowledge
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 gaining in government-funded schools
this
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 method
have
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has
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minor
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a minor
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 effect because all needed books on subjects are provided by the administration
gives
Wrong verb form
giving
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students
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opportunity
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the opportunity
an opportunity
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 to
further
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studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies
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.
As a result
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,
children
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 studying at
home
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 have only
superficial
Correct article usage
a superficial
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 understanding of topics and
face
Wrong verb form
are faced
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 with insufficiency of basic experience in all subjects which
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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huge
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a huge
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 impact on learning at high-education places. Another reason for the difficulties arising in
home
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-schooled
students
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 are lack of
structured
Correct article usage
a structured
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 system and professional guidance. There are special schedules for all periods and teachers who can support
children
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 on their path to learning new information in schools,
whereas
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 at
home
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parents
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 with low
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
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 in teaching may
able
Verb problem
enable
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 their child to feel
freely
Replace the adverb
free
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 and learn whenever they want.
For example
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, a child can spend most of his time
on
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apply
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playing video games
instead
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 of getting new information
in particular
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 education fields.
Also
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, they are
cutted
Correct your spelling
cut
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 from
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school
Correct article usage
the school
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 environment which
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
huge
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a huge
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 role in developing communication skills.
Consequently
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, they have several misconceptions in
education
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the education
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 process and less focus on
study
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, creating issues with discipline and perception of relevant data. Not surprisingly,
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
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home-schooled
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the home-schooled
a home-schooled
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 will have issues
in
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apply
show examples
finding
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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 place in
new
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a new
the new
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 university environment.
To sum up
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, it seems to be that some
parents
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are preferring
Wrong verb form
prefer
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home
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 studies in order to avoid risks at
school
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 and
Correct subject-verb agreement
try
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tries
Correct subject-verb agreement
try
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 to give them important
knowledge
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 as
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
as possible.
Thus
Linking Words
, their
children
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 have barriers
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their new occupations rather than completely prepared
school
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students
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 who have all
needed
Correct article usage
the needed
show examples
 skills.

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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure that the introduction sets the stage for the discussion with a clear background and thesis statement. The conclusion should clearly summarize the key arguments without introducing new ideas.
Logical Structure
The essay needs a more logical structure with clear and distinct paragraphs for each main point. Transitions between ideas should be smoother.
Supported Main Points
Develop each main point with more detail and depth, using specific examples to support your arguments better.
Complete Response
Address both tasks comprehensively, ensuring all parts of the prompt are answered fully. Expand on the causes and effects, providing a well-rounded analysis.
Clear Comprehensive Ideas
Articulate ideas more clearly and avoid ambiguous statements. Each paragraph should have one clear main idea and stick to it.
Relevant Specific Examples
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to support your points, ensuring they enhance the argument and are directly related to the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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