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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows the changes in maximum number of Asian elephants between 1994 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the changes in maximum number of Asian elephants between 1994 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#changes #asian #elephants #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The graph shows the estimated maximum
population
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 of
elephants
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 in a range of Asian countries in both 1997 and 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that in most of the countries included in the graph, the
population
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 fell.
This
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 was most noticeable in Malaysia and Thailand, where the number of
elephants
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 was thought to be less than half the figure in 1997. In the former, the number of
elephants
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 dropped as low as 1000. India remained the country with by far the largest elephant
population
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,
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apply
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 but experienced a dramatic fall in numbers so that in 2004 there may have been as few as 7500. Despite its size, China had a very small
population
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 of at most 500
elephants
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 by 2004.
Although
Linking Words
 the trend was downwards
overall
Linking Words
, elephant populations were thought to have remained stable in Laos and Vietnam at approximately 1200. The only country where
elephants
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 showed signs of
recovering
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recovery
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 was Cambodia, where numbers may have risen by up to 200.
Submitted by firstkimiaa on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, elephants with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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