The diagram below shows the changes, which took place in a coastal area called Pentland from 1950 to 2007

The diagram below shows the changes, which took place in a coastal area  called Pentland from 1950 to 2007
The maps show the changes, which accrued in a coastal town,
Pentland
between 1950 and 2007. It can be seen that the area developed a lot in the given period of 57 years.
Overall
,
Pentland
was an industrial area flattened around it and grassland to the west. Over the period, the
Pentland
was completely transformed with the addition of a
park
, shop and cinema;
however
, the eastern part of the
Pentland
was
car
Correct article usage
a car
show examples
park
knocked-down
Correct your spelling
knocked down
show examples
and after was constructed apartments and shops. The most noticeable additions were the multi-storey, car
park
, swimming pool,
park
Correct word choice
and park
show examples
instead
of industrial area in the northwest between 1950 and 2007. Grassland was cleared
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
after was built shops and cinema. A car
park
was replaced
apartments
Change preposition
with apartments
show examples
on the east coast of the
Pentland
. Grassland was
put-down
Correct your spelling
put down
show examples
after being
instead
of reconstructed shops and houses
during
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
57 years.
In addition
, Yach Marina was built near the sea on the north.
Submitted by no6302787 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "instead".
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words pentland, park with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

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