IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#organisations #employees #dress #value #quality #work #appearance
According to some individuals, Employees should pay
attention
 to the quality of work rather than employers’ clothes.
However I
Accept comma addition
However, I
 think that companies with employers putting on nasty clothes is more successful. On the one hand, some people believe that every employer turns to focus on its appearance is just
waste
Suggestion
a waste
 of
time
. Because, in the workplaces there may be workers who work in an industrial
zones
Suggestion
zone
, and
there
Suggestion
they're
 wearing smart clothes is not necessary. If workers pay
attention
 to style of clothes, there, they may lose some
time
.
Moreover
, some smart clothes are not convenient in industrial
zone which
Accept comma addition
zone, which
 may cause workers to lose energy to clean them. Thereby, it might be true that only senior position workers should put on nasty clothes. From another angle, to my mind there are lots of effective sides of that every employer of any organization wears nasty clothes.
For instance
, somehow they may advertise their products or their workplace thanks to wearing smart clothes. Because well-dressed workers may leave positive comments on customers.
Nowadays major
Accept comma addition
Nowadays, major
 part of consumers
pays
Suggestion
pay
are paying
attention
 products’ background features
such
 as their package or advertisement. If workers pay
attention
 their clothes deeply, costumers may think that the products are made by professional workers. Striking
example can
Accept comma addition
example, can
 be KFS. Every worker of KFS
put
Suggestion
puts
 on smart clothes from cooker till worker who take products to customer. Owing to
this
 aspect they have gained a lot of consumers. To conclude,
although
 wearing smart clothes at any
time
 in
workplace
Suggestion
the workplace
 is sometimes thought as
waste
Suggestion
a waste
 of
time
, I consider it has so many other beneficial causes, due to its good advertisement aspect.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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