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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In Some Countries, Criminal Trials Are Shown On Television For Public. Do The Advantages Of This Outweigh The Disadvantages

Showing on the depicting criminal
trials
Use synonyms
 to the general public on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
television
Use synonyms
 is increasingly prevalent in some countries. In my view, the drawback
of
Change preposition
apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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far outweighs the advantages because not only does it give an opportunity to the criminals to escape
away
Rephrase
apply
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, but
also
Linking Words
such
Linking Words
trials
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 label the innocent as a culprit. Admittedly, there are numerous benefits to airing
such
Linking Words
trials
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it makes the general public aware of
fine
Fix the agreement mistake
fines
show examples
 and sentences for a specific
crime
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. To illustrate, in the USA, the live show for breaking traffic rules broadcasts on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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television
Use synonyms
 in order to
know
Verb problem
inform
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 its citizens
the
Change preposition
of the
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 type of punishment and the amount of fines for not following the traffic laws.
Thus
Linking Words
,
people
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 will be careful before breaking the rules.
Secondly
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, legal
proceeding
Fix the agreement mistake
proceedings
show examples
 will be faster. In a country like India, it has
very
Correct article usage
a very
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 slow proceeding system
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it almost takes years to get justice
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 airing of
trials
Use synonyms
 enables
people
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 to demand
faster
Correct article usage
a faster
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 judicial system.
Hence
Linking Words
,
people
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 do have to wait a longer period of time having justice.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, showing criminal
trials
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 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
television
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 has many disadvantages. One of them is labelled culprit
to
Correct word choice
or to
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 innocent. Through
such
Linking Words
trials
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, many news channels or
journalist
Fix the agreement mistake
journalists
show examples
takes
Correct subject-verb agreement
take
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 the wrong benefit by printing untrue information about that person to get TRP.
For instance
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, there are
the
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apply
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chances where society does not accept the person who has not committed a
crime
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 if
such
Linking Words
 shows are aired on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
television
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, which might affect them mentally and socially.
As a result
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, it can have a detrimental effect on their lifetime career. Another negative is
an
Correct article usage
the
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 idea of getting released.
Such
Linking Words
 shows offer a chance to criminals to
do
Verb problem
commit
show examples
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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 and get
release
Replace the word
released
show examples
 easily, which means they are able to make good use of
crime
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 for their own sake and get
easily
Verb problem
released easily
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free
Correct word choice
apply
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, which is unethical. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 citizens tend to be cautious of
doing
Verb problem
committing
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any
Correct determiner usage
a
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crime
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 by watching a criminal trial on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
television
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, I believe that wrong labelling and
releasing
Replace the word
release
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 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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jail, despite attempting
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Correct article usage
a crime
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crime
Punctuation problem
crime,
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 are inevitable drawbacks which can have a detrimental effect on the lives of
people
Use synonyms
.

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planning
Plan before you write. Make a short list of 2-3 main ideas and a clear aim.
stance
Make your view clear in the first sentence. Keep to it.
development
Give full, simple examples for each idea. Explain how it shows your point.
language
Keep your grammar simple. Use short sentences to avoid mistakes.
task
The essay shows a clear view and uses both sides.
coherence
It uses examples from real places to back points.
cohesion
The answer uses linking words like firstly and in conclusion.
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