IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that news and media are affecting our lives in a positive way while others disagree. Do you agree or disagree?

There are those who believe that
news
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 and
media
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 are impacting our livelihoods, and others disagree. I totally disagree with the opinion because
news
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 and
media
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 can make
people
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 deceived and depressed. The main reason why I believe that
news
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 and
media
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 are harming our
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 is that they have been used as an effective tool by
people
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 with power and money
thorough
Use the right word
throughout
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 history.
In particular
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, from WWII, when the Nazis controlled German citizens with their detrimental propaganda, to the most recent case, when Chinese authorities hid the actual number of COVID-19 cases,
media
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,
such
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 as newspapers and broadcasts, have been manipulated by governments.
Consequently
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, many
people
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 have been damaged mentally and physically; many German soldiers died young for the Nazis;
people
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 in the world lost their
job
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jobs
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 normal
life
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 because of the unprecedented virus, and
corrupted
Correct article usage
the corrupted
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media
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 helped to hide the reality. Another reason why I support the notion that our livelihoods are being harmed by
media
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 is that they can make
people
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 depressed. In human history, the gap between the poor and the rich has existed, but
exposed
Correct word choice
the exposure of
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 celebrities’ lives often
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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people
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 exceptionally frustrated.
For example
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, the daughter of a big hotel owner shows off her everyday
life
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 extravagance
wasting
Punctuation problem
, wasting
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 hundreds of fashion items. Ignoring daily effort,
people
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 might be dragged by the fancy lives of celebrities.
Therefore
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, Mammonism and pariah capitalism, which can spoil
children
Punctuation problem
children,
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 are overwhelming
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society, and the
media
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also
Linking Words
 have played an important role in
this
Linking Words
 situation. In conclusion, I completely disagree with the opinion that
Use synonyms
news
Correct article usage
the news
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 and
media
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 are making our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 positively because they are manipulative and discourage
people
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. Given
this
Linking Words
 situation, it seems that
people
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 should have a keen
sight
Check wording
eye
show examples
 to differentiate true from false when they get new information from any source.

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task response
Make a clear plan in your intro and stick to it. Show your view in the first line.
coherence
Link your ideas with easy words. Use 'and', 'but', 'so', 'also', 'first', 'then' to show steps.
evidence
Give each example with a small explain on how it backs your point.
stance
Your view is clear and steady throughout the essay.
evidence
You use some good examples from history and current events.
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