IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

There is a disagreement on the impact of increased business and culture contact between countries on a country's identity. What is your opinion?

#disagreement #impact #business #culture #contact #countries #country #identity
One of the heated arguments
theseday
Suggestion
these days
these day
 is the influence of
expaned
Suggestion
expanding
expand
expanded
 economic and
culture
 connection
on
Suggestion
with
 the national identity. While others believe that some components of a
country
's
idenntity
the distinct personality of an individual regarded as a persisting entity
identity
identities
 could be attacked, I think that economic and knowledge growth could gain benefit by either increased
business
 and cultural
intergration
the action of incorporating a racial or religious group into a community
integration
. Elevated
business
 and international
culture
 give a resident in a
country
 opportunities to access the knowledge across the world
.
Accept space
.
Futhermore
in addition
Furthermore
, it brings a wide range of profits to Gross Domestic Product of a
country
. Vietnam,
for instance
, is one of the countries, which is known as a diverse
culture
countr
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centre
country
.
Anually
Suggestion
Annually
,
this
country
attract
Suggestion
attracts
 a million of visitors to experience a historical fantastic
culture
.
Therefore
, awareness and national income could raise benefit by increased economic and
culture
 contact.
In contrast
, the elements of a
country
's
identity including
Accept comma addition
identity, including
behaviors
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviours
beavers
,
lannguages
a systematic means of communicating by the use of sounds or conventional symbols
languages
, beliefs and customs could be very vulnerable.
For example
, the traditional customs of
Easterm
Suggestion
Eastern
Easter
counntries
a politically organized body of people under a single government
countries
, particularly in China, in the
last
fourty
being ten more than thirty
forty
 decades, women had to wear clothes that cover both their hands and legs.
However
,
this
 custom
have already faded
Suggestion
has already faded
 away in recent ten years
as a result
 of expanded
business
 and
culture
 connection. In conclusion, the enlarged
business
 and cultural integration among countries are not only influence the identity of a
country but
Accept comma addition
country, but
also
 the social
knowlegde
the psychological result of perception and learning and reasoning
knowledge
 and profits to its national income.
Submitted by nhuy10320 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Get your IELTS Essential Vocabulary List —
What to do next:
Look at other essays: