IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

#people #life #money
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Happiness
Use synonyms
 is often perceived as a state of mind.
Although
Linking Words
 for some people having a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 is a source of
happiness
Use synonyms
, sometimes
happiness
Use synonyms
 depends on certain other things.
For example
Linking Words
,
happiness
Use synonyms
 means good health for the sick and close-knit relations for the deserted.
Money
Use synonyms
 can procure us many valuable items which make our
life
Use synonyms
 full of comfort and luxuries and these belongings are often attributed to the
happiness
Use synonyms
 in a person’s
life
Use synonyms
. For
some having
Accept comma addition
some, having
 excessive amounts of
money
Use synonyms
 brings a sense of satisfaction as it relieves them of their future stresses and
also
Linking Words
 financial worries of their posterity.
Besides
Linking Words
 being able to afford basic amenities,
money
Use synonyms
 enables one to indulge in recreational activities that are beyond the reach of commoners and
thus
Linking Words
 bring them a greater feeling of
happiness
Use synonyms
. Concurrently,
money
Use synonyms
 evolves into power and with all the power and dominance, it is natural to have a sense of elation.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
money
Use synonyms
 does not always mean
happiness
Use synonyms
. People often perceive a rich person to be a happy person, but it has been proved
illusionary
Suggestion
 quite a number of times. Under the veil of
money
Use synonyms
, nobody knows how much distressed the owner is. For a person suffering from a long-term ailment, freedom from medication and treatment is definitely an immense source of joy for which they will be ready to spend all of their wealth.
Similarly
Linking Words
, for someone with no friends or relatives to rely upon in miseries, a shoulder to cry on and a helping hand in need are the means of
happiness
Use synonyms
Therefore
Linking Words
happiness
Use synonyms
 cannot always be related to the amount of
money
Use synonyms
 one owns. To conclude, while it is a fact that
money
Use synonyms
 can buy us
luxuries
Suggestion
the luxuries
 of
life
Use synonyms
 in some instances even excess amount of
money
Use synonyms
 cannot bring
happiness
Use synonyms
 in one’s
life
Use synonyms
 and
thus
Linking Words
 due importance should be given to good health and relations in
life
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by davidjeong90 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial security
  • Basic needs
  • Comfort
  • Luxury
  • Freedom
  • Altruistic
  • Philanthropy
  • Nurturing relationships
  • Fulfillment
  • Sense of accomplishment
  • Physical well-being
  • Spiritual beliefs
  • Community involvement
  • Gratitude
  • Mindfulness
  • Simple pleasures
What to do next:
Look at other essays: