IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that news and media are affecting our lives in a positive way while others disagree. Do you agree or disagree?

There are those who believe that current affairs reports and various other means of transmitting information are beneficial to humanity, and
on the other
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hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 there are those who dispute
this
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. I totally disagree with the opinion because the news and
media
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 deceive
people
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 and make them feel depressed. The main reason why I believe that the news and
media
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 are harming our
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 is that they have been used as an effective tool by
people
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 with power and money throughout history.
In particular
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, from WWII, when the Nazis controlled German citizens with their detrimental propaganda, to the most recent case, when Chinese authorities hid the actual number of COVID-19 cases,
media
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,
such
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 as newspapers and radio broadcasts, have been manipulated by governments.
Consequently
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, many
people
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 have been damaged mentally and physically; many German soldiers died young for the Nazis;
people
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 in the world
currently
Rephrase
apply
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have lost their jobs and normal
life
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 because of the unprecedented virus, and
corrupted
Correct article usage
the corrupted
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media
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 helped to hide the reality. Another reason why I support the notion that our livelihoods are being harmed by various forms of
media
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 is that they can make
people
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 depressed. In human history, the gap between the poor and the rich has existed, but when celebrities’ lives are exposed, it often makes
people
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 exceptionally frustrated.
For example
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, if the daughter of a big hotel owner shows off her everyday
life
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 of extravagance
wasting
Punctuation problem
, wasting
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 hundreds of fashion items, and TV
also
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 highlights her luxurious
life
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.
Therefore
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, wasting an enormous amount of time on
Instargram
Correct your spelling
Instagram
 to glance
celebrities’
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at celebrities’
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 lives,
people
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 might lose
a
Correct article usage
the
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 willingness to have a good and faithful everyday
life
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. In conclusion, I completely disagree with the opinion that news and
media
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 are making our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 positively because they are manipulative and make
people
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 discouraged. Given
this
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 situation, it seems that
people
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 should have a keen insight in order to differentiate true from false when they get new information from any source.

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task response
Make one main idea per part and link it to your view with simple words like and, but, so.
task response
Add more real facts or safe proof. Do not give big claims unless you know facts.
structure
In the start, add a short plan to tell what you will say.
grammar
Use simple grammar and fix small errors, like the spelling of Instagram.
conclusion
End with a clear line that restates your view.
stance
Clear view is seen in the intro and kept to the end.
content
Some good examples are used to back ideas.
structure
There is a plan and a basic flow to the essay.
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