IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Money cannot buy you happiness. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #happiness
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Achieving
happiness
Use synonyms
 has always been one of the priorities of humankind. In
this
Linking Words
 regard, while I believe that
money
Use synonyms
 has a role to play in making a person happy, I think that the true source of
happiness
Use synonyms
 lies in relationships and
health
Use synonyms
. It is true that meeting our basic necessities is impossible if we do not have enough
money
Use synonyms
. On a daily basis, people need to go to grocery stores, buy services, pay transportation fares – all of which are made through financial means. Shortcomings in at least one of the abov
ementioned mak
Suggestion
above mentioned
e them feel dissatisfied.
Moreover
Linking Words
, people’s never-ending materialistic needs,
such
Linking Words
 as desire to drive a brand new car or live in a luxurious apartment in downtown, are factors that are attributed to
happiness
Use synonyms
 and fulfilled with
money
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I would argue that
health
Use synonyms
 and relationships are two inextricable and more
important ele
Suggestion
most important
ments in life that are cores of
happiness
Use synonyms
. Sound
health
Use synonyms
 a person has is probably the most valuable asset; with which he/she can lead a happy life. To illustrate, for the one who is suffering from a debilitating illness, say, cancer, nothing can help but family’s support and care. Another clear example on w
hy
Suggestion
of
money
Use synonyms
’s role is minimal in
happiness
Use synonyms
 can be millionaires, including Steve Jobs
who has
Accept comma addition
Jobs, who
 died from cancer; having accumulated wealth throughout their lives, they put litt
le emp
Suggestion
less
hasis on
health
Use synonyms
 as well as relationships. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 in satisfying our basic needs
money
Use synonyms
 can play its part, I believe that
health
Use synonyms
 and relationships are crucial components of
happiness
Use synonyms
 in life that
money
Use synonyms
 cannot buy.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: