IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many think that all decisions within a company should be made by managers whereas others feel it is better to include employees in the process. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

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It is commonly believed by many that the
employees
Use synonyms
 should be involved in
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
company’s
Correct article usage
the company’s
show examples
 decision-making process so that they feel invaluable and stay with the
company
Use synonyms
 for the long term.
However
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, others tend to oppose
this
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 idea and consider that only
managers
Use synonyms
 should participate in making
decisions
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due to
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 security reasons. In my opinion,
employees
Use synonyms
 should
also
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 be considered as an important entity
while
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 making
decisions
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 because if
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 large number of people are involved, the decision will be more optimal.
To begin
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 with, those who opine that only
managers
Use synonyms
 should participate in making important
decisions
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 in the
company
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 can easily point
their
Change preposition
out their
show examples
 wide knowledge and experience.
That is
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 to say,
managers
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 have rich experience of dealing with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
business problems and
therefore
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, it is very highly likely for them to make correct
decisions
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 by considering all the consequences.
Additionally
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, the vast majority of business problems involve confidential details and disclosing that information to
employees
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 can be dangerous which can
further
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 lead to severe results.
For instance
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,
according to
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 The New York Times, Google’s
doodle
Capitalize word
Doodle
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 project got leaked,
resulted
Wrong verb form
resulting
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 in
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 huge loss. On
further
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 investigation, it was found that the
Use synonyms
company
Use synonyms
’s
ex employee
Add a hyphen
ex-employee
show examples
 was responsible for that theft.
On the other hand
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, there are various reasons
of
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for
show examples
 giving importance to
employees
Use synonyms
 in making
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
company’s
Correct article usage
a company’s
show examples
decisions
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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,
employees
Use synonyms
 will feel that they have a significant role in the
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
company’s
Change noun form
company
show examples
 and
therefore
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 they will consider staying with the
company
Use synonyms
 for the long term. The reason
being
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
,
everyone
Correct word choice
that everyone
show examples
 wants to work with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
company
Use synonyms
 where management loves their ideas and offers them respect and dignity.
Secondly
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, it is very highly likely for the
company
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 to make efficient and reliable
decisions
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 if everyone in the
company
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 is offering their viewpoints and the resultant decision is
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
agreeable to all.
To conclude
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,
although
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managers
Use synonyms
 can make good
decisions
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 with their experience and knowledge,
however
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, I believe with the involvement of
employees
Use synonyms
, the decision will be wise and even
employees
Use synonyms
 will feel valuable
asset
Fix the agreement mistake
assets
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
company
Use synonyms
.

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coherence and cohesion
The introduction could be clearer by rephrasing the thesis statement to better express the main argument. Additionally, ensure consistency in plural and singular forms (e.g., 'company’s' should be 'companies' when referring to all companies).
task achievement
In the second paragraph, consider providing more diverse examples or scenarios to support your point about managers' knowledge and experience. This strengthens your argument.
coherence and cohesion
In the third paragraph, transitioning words (e.g., 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' etc.) could be used to connect ideas better. Try to improve the flow between sentences for better readability.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view of the topic, discussing both sides fairly before stating your own opinion. This is a strong point for task achievement.
task achievement
The examples provided, such as the Google’s doodle project, add credibility to your arguments and are relevant to the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Centralized authority
  • Top-down approach
  • Autocratic leadership
  • Managerial hierarchy
  • Operational efficiency
  • Accountability
  • Competence
  • Employee empowerment
  • Participative decision-making
  • Workplace democracy
  • Morale
  • Consensus
  • Bottom-up approach
  • Cross-functional collaboration
  • Organizational culture
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