IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The constitution of many countries states that people are the only source of power. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Have you participated in politics in any way?

#constitution #countries #states #people #source #power #politics
I think that, no matter who the leader of the
country
, he or she should be, most importantly, educated, patriots of the
country
, professionals, healthy, both physically and mentally and decent. I think that these qualities should be with the leaders of the
country
, since they make the future of the
country
 and provide the whole
country
. And yet,
for example
, I think that in Kazakhstan they trust a man more, I don’t know, maybe
this
 is
such
 a mentality of the
country
. If you ask a question to our peasants
this
 way: what qualities are most valued in a woman? Men answer: "housekeeping."
That is
,
women
 have a place primarily in the house, in the family. I'm not saying that
this
 is the case with everyone, but it is a fact that someone has it. But I think that
women
also
 have the right to be leaders of the
country
.
On the other hand
 (Allah forbid) if there is a war in the
country
, many
people
 say that
women
 cannot cope with
this
 task. Since they are so tender by birth, in a word, war is not for them. They say that
women
, even if they are patriots, do not know how to use military weapons. In these cases, some
people
 do not support
women
 to become the leader of the
country
.
For example
, some
people
 believe that the government needs more
women
 leaders in politics to reduce violence. Perhaps
this
 is
also
 correct, as
women
 will pay special attention to the topic of violence. Since most of the
country
 there are
such
 cases. And always underage little girls. I think we need to resolve
this
 issue globally. In the end, I
also
 want to say, as she said, whoever the leader would be, they should be patriots, and educated. From the point of view of the possibility of management and responsibility for the
country
 and for
people
, the requirements cannot differ by gender principles.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
For the coherence and logical structure, the essay lacks a clear organization of ideas. Try to group related points together and use transition words to connect them effectively. Ensure that each paragraph follows a logical sequence and contributes to the overall argument.
task achievement
In terms of task achievement, make sure to fully address the prompt question. Provide a balanced analysis of the statement and express your opinion clearly. Support your arguments with relevant examples and ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: