IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schoolchildren #history #world
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Some people believe that it is very crucial for young kids to know about the local happenings.
However
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, other people give importance to global
history
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 as it is considered more useful. Each and every
place
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 own unique
history
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. In my opinion, I agree with the statement that local
history
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 should be taught to school
children
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. I will propose
possible
Correct article usage
a possible
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 illustration for the same.
To begin
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 with, every
place
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 has its own series of events, and to preserve it,
children
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 should learn the
history
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 of the
place
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.
History
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 can be altered and can be lost over
the
Correct article usage
a
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 period of time, to prevent
such
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 miss happenings it is necessary to encourage
children
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 to seek knowledge of the
place
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.
For example
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, some of the tribes lost their
history
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 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
origin, and know they don’t have a promising tale to tell. In all,
History
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 keeps the authenticity of the
place
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 intact.
Secondly
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, it necessitates emotional attachment to the land,
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this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 often
help
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helps
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children
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 to grow stronger.
In other words
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, it entails a sense of patriotism for the
place
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 and binds the soul with the soil.
For instance
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, People tend to die to protect their unique culture and heritage. They have pride in their
history
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, and they want to pass
theses
Correct your spelling
these
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 values to their
children
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.
To conclude
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,
history
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 is more than a factual representation of the occurrence of events, it is connected emotionally to
peoples
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people's
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 lives.
Therefore
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, it is essential for
children
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 to know about
such
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 events which changed their
ancestor’s
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ancestors’
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 lives. It is the responsibility of the
parent
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parents
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 and the government to fetch these happening in
children
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’s school books.
Submitted by shishir.karandikar on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay to make it more coherent and organized. Ensure that your introduction and conclusion clearly present your main points. Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your ideas.
task achievement
You have addressed the task but your response could be more complete and comprehensive. Ensure that your ideas are clearly presented and well-supported.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • heritage
  • cultural identity
  • ancestry
  • traditions
  • globalization
  • empathy
  • contemporary issues
  • integrate
  • perspective
  • civilization
  • diversity
  • innovations
  • historical significance
  • nationalism
  • cosmopolitanism
  • historiography
  • geopolitical
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