IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Compared to the past more younger adults take medication for degenerative disease. Provide specific examples and reasons to support your answer.

#adults #medication #disease #support
It is certainly true that due to the advancement in the
technology humans
Accept comma addition
technology, humans
 invented many drugs which not only helps to cure the
disease but
Accept comma addition
disease, but
also
 increase the
life
 span, perhaps
this
 is because many people argue that these days medicines helps to cure the generative
disease
 as compared to the past. Degenerative
disease
are caused
Suggestion
is caused
 by virus, genetic
disease
 or
disease
 caused by changes in
life style
a manner of living that reflects the person's values and attitudes
lifestyle
. In the subsequent paragraphs I will
analyze
consider in detail and subject to an analysis in order to discover essential features or meaning
analyse
 why medication of degenerative
disease
 among youngsters is increased.
First
 of all, in the previous time the people were very healthy as well as had active lifestyle. These major degenerative diseases are diagnosed as lifestyle
disease
.
Furthermore consumption
Accept comma addition
Furthermore, consumption
 of fast food as well as drugs makes the situation worse.
For
example nowadays
Accept comma addition
example, nowadays
 consumption of cigarette among youngsters causes cancer. Older generation used to plough, digging the land with the help of machines. These physical work
make
Suggestion
makes
 them fit.
However
modern generation
Suggestion
the modern generation
a modern generation
 wants to lead
luxurious
Suggestion
a luxurious life
life
, where they are over
dependant
Suggestion
dependent
 on machine and lead sedentary
life
.
For example
 in the contemporary era everyone wants
white collar job
Suggestion
a white collar job
 with less physical efforts due to
this
 they become cough potatoes. On the other side, due to the modern technology and science nowadays various equipment and medication is available which add more years in the age of
person
Suggestion
the person
a person
, whereas in the past these resources were very limited, due to
this
 lot of people died during the pandemic.
For
example in
Accept comma addition
example, in
 previous
time many
Accept comma addition
time, many
 people were
died
Suggestion
dying
 due to cholera and
Tuberculoses
infection transmitted by inhalation or ingestion of tubercle bacilli and manifested in fever and small lesions (usually in the lungs but in various other parts of the body in acute stages)
tuberculosis
 because very limited hospitals were available and people relied on conventional medicines as well as people were very superstitious. To conclude the availability of modern treatment of
disease
 increase the lifespan and helps to diagnose
disease
 more quickly.
Nonetheless
, in the previous time people lead
healthy
Suggestion
healthy lives
a healthy life
life
 with plenty of exercise and died or fell ill during pandemic.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: