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Band 4.5

The use of corporal punishment (physically hitting students) in schools is in decline, yet it should be used to improve behavior. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#punishment #students #schools #decline #behavior
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In
this
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 society, it is the fact that there are many
violence
Suggestion
violent
 happened from teachers in every school, and so does the amount of arguments around
this
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 situation. Lots of people
are strongly protest
Suggestion
are strongly protesting
have strongly protested
this
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 way of education, while others believe that corporal punishment is necessary to educate children, especially with those who have
stubbornness
Suggestion
stubbornly
. In my opinion, corporal punishment is extremely
unscrupulous and
Accept comma addition
unscrupulous, and
 I think there should be laws to punish those who make harms to students.
First
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, children who used to be punished by physical violence will have psychological problems. Not only psychological
health but
Accept comma addition
health, but
also
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 physical status is
also
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 affected as well. As far as I know, it is said that there was a nursing school which teachers forced children to drink dirty water because of not obeying the teacher’s request. Another
example in
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example, in
this
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 issue, a teacher slapped a child 200 times due to saying bad words in school.
Consequently
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, that child needed to hospitalize immediately. I do not deny the wrong action of that student, but hitting a person 200 times should get deserved discipline. It is known that there are international laws protecting children and no one is able to harm them
Moreover
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, there are few people know the fact that the more times punishing children, the more stubborn these children become in
behavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
. I used to hear a story, a child because of suffering many inhuman retributions from her mother, become restive and unruly with other adults, even sometimes she curses her mother to be dead. So, the problem is the same with teacher punishing students, which means it will be harder for unruly students to be formed a good person in the future. In conclusion, I believe that parents, teachers and other people are not allowed to criticize barbarously to children. There are many ways to punish children
instead
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 of using corporal one.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • short-term compliance
  • long-term behavioral improvements
  • emotional damage
  • positive reinforcement
  • restorative justice
  • negative consequences
  • children's rights
  • psychological impacts
  • contemporary educational philosophies
  • non-violent disciplinary methods
  • safer and more positive school environment
  • engage better
  • outdated viewpoint
  • holistic development
  • well-being of students
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