IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show local government expenditure in 2010 and 2015.

The charts below show local government expenditure in 2010 and 2015.
The provided pie charts illustrate acquaintance about
money
Use synonyms
 consumption in different ways in 2010 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 spent most of the
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 education and healthcare, whilst it used less
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 other types of necessities. Looking at the iotas, in 2010, most of the
money
Use synonyms
 was consumed by academicians
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 made up 21%, whilst 5% of
Use synonyms
money
Add an article
the money
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 had been borrowed from the banks. Surprisingly, the country did not pay more
money
Use synonyms
 for culture and leisure activities,
whereas
Linking Words
 3% of
Use synonyms
money
Add an article
the money
show examples
 was used for
transport
Add an article
the transport
show examples
 system. The consideration of
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 shows that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 8% of
Use synonyms
money
Add an article
the money
show examples
 was spent
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
army
Add an article
the army
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. In 2015, militaries and doctors had been subsidized with less
money
Use synonyms
 than in
previous
Correct article usage
the previous
show examples
 year, but at the same
time
Add a comma
,time
show examples
government
Use synonyms
 gave 13% of
Use synonyms
money
Add an article
the money
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 to donations. It is interesting to mention that, because of having aspirations to run
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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 businesses, people borrowed more
money
Use synonyms
 from
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
a government
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 accounted for 10%. When it comes to retired people, they did not have promotions, and in both years the percentage accounted for 19%, respectively.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words money, government with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 4 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • expenditure
  • allocation
  • budget
  • fiscal
  • increased/decreased spending
  • percentage
  • funding
  • infrastructure
  • public services
  • education
  • healthcare
  • recreation
  • welfare
  • economic conditions
  • fiscal policy
  • trend
  • analysis
  • comparative
  • significant
  • allocate
  • reallocate
  • subsidize
  • cutbacks
  • deficit
  • surplus
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