IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show local government expenditure in 2010 and 2015.

The charts below show local government expenditure in 2010 and 2015.
#show #government #expenditure
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The provided pie charts illustrate acquaintance about
money
Use synonyms
 consumption in different ways in 2010 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 spent most of the
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
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 education and healthcare, whilst it used less
money
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for
Change preposition
on
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 other types of necessities. Looking at the iotas, in 2010, most of the
money
Use synonyms
 was consumed by academicians
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 made up 21%, whilst 5% of
Use synonyms
money
Add an article
the money
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 had been borrowed from the banks. Surprisingly, the country did not pay more
money
Use synonyms
 for culture and leisure activities,
whereas
Linking Words
 3% of
Use synonyms
money
Add an article
the money
show examples
 was used for
transport
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the transport
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 system. The consideration of
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 shows that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 8% of
Use synonyms
money
Add an article
the money
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 was spent
to
Change preposition
on
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army
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the army
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. In 2015, militaries and doctors had been subsidized with less
money
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 than in
previous
Correct article usage
the previous
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 year, but at the same
time
Add a comma
,time
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government
Use synonyms
 gave 13% of
Use synonyms
money
Add an article
the money
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 to donations. It is interesting to mention that, because of having aspirations to run
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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 businesses, people borrowed more
money
Use synonyms
 from
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
a government
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 accounted for 10%. When it comes to retired people, they did not have promotions, and in both years the percentage accounted for 19%, respectively.
Submitted by abdusattarovabdulaziz63 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words money, government with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • expenditure
  • allocation
  • budget
  • fiscal
  • increased/decreased spending
  • percentage
  • funding
  • infrastructure
  • public services
  • education
  • healthcare
  • recreation
  • welfare
  • economic conditions
  • fiscal policy
  • trend
  • analysis
  • comparative
  • significant
  • allocate
  • reallocate
  • subsidize
  • cutbacks
  • deficit
  • surplus
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