In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The 20th century has evolved with various developments
such
as the internet, mobile technology and IT revolution, etc. Since,
these new enhancements have glued Remove the comma
apply
the
adolescents Correct article usage
apply
with
Change preposition
to
the
laptop or mobile Change the word
their
phone
rather than playing outdoors, so Fix the agreement mistake
phones
this
has become a major issue in terms of lack of physical activities
: consequently
, the upcoming generations are facing health issues namely, obesity, eyesight and Correct article usage
an under-developed
under-developed
brain. Some critics assert that the government should take some steps to stop Correct your spelling
underdeveloped
this
, however
I completely disagree with Add the comma(s)
however,
this
, and the essay will outline the reasons for this
.
Firstly
, home is the first school and parents
are the first teacher of kids, therefore
only parents
can have a
strict control Remove the article
apply
on
the Change preposition
over
timings
of the TV or video Replace the word
time
games
. In other words
, parents
have to set some rules on the usage of the on-screen games
,
and allocate more time to the outdoor Remove the comma
apply
games
as compared to indoor activities
. In Japan, for instance
, the kids are lean because they spend time more time in outdoor games
as compared to India. Moreover
, it is only the parents
who can monitor their kids' routine more closely, and motivate them setting
up rewards like sweets or small gifts, if they play more outside.
Change preposition
by setting
Secondly
, parents
have a natural and emotional bond with their children, and they should also
accompany them to parks and grounds, hence
this
can convince them easily as compared to rules set by the public authority of a country. For example
, it is indubitable that a
it will be more beneficial for a child's health, when a child is playing outside Remove the article
apply
along with
his family, as compared to forcefully being asked to play outside of the law defined by an authority. Furthermore
, because the people living in a society can organize family activities
more frequently as compared to governments; as a result
, more children will come outside to do physical activities
.
To conclude
, parents
should be guiding their children regarding the ways of a healthy lifestyle. They themselves should involve
in making their wards Wrong verb form
be involved
to
follow a healthy daily routine.Fix the infinitive
apply
Submitted by vij.vinay on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence and Cohesion
Provide a clear introduction and conclude with a summary of key points to improve coherence.
Task Achievement
Present a more thorough response to the task prompt, addressing alternative perspectives, and providing a balanced discussion of the issue.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!