IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some countries are struggling with an increase in the rate of crime. Many people believe that having more police on the streets is the only way to reduce crime To what extent do you agree?

#countries #rate #crime #people #police #streets
Some countries across the globe are facing burgeoning
crime
 rates in their cities. Many people believe that suitable response to tackle
this
 problem is by hiring
police
 personnel.
This
 will bring down the
crime
 rate as criminals will be deterred by more people guarding the city. I will argue in
this
 essay that
this
 approach is not the most effective solution in the long-term. A recent study showed that some countries with
higher
Suggestion
the highest
highest
 number of
police
 per million have higher
crime
 rates than cities with much less
police
 personnel per million population.
Moreover
,
study
Suggestion
the study
studies
also
 found that countries which doesn’t have
affordable primary education
Suggestion
an affordable primary education
, doesn’t have liberal laws for
woman
Suggestion
woman's
 independence and have unemployment rates have high correlation to
crime
 rates. In the light of
this
 study, it can be deduced that by improving education systems, social laws related to woman freedom (Right to Abortion), improving
economic condition
Suggestion
the economic condition
 of the cities will help to uproot the problem from its roots. Having more
police
 personnel can be a part of the
solution but
Accept comma addition
solution, but
 it is not the complete solution. As every country posses limited resources, my recommendation is
instead
 of investing money in increasing the
police
 force, countries are better off investing
this
 money in building schools, industries and providing more employment opportunities.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: