IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

3. Public celebrations (such as national days, festivals etc) are held in most countries. These are often quite expensive and some people say that governments should spend money on more useful things. Do you agree or disagree?

#celebrations #festivals #countries #people #governments #money
The traditional festivals or holidays are celebrated in the vast majority of countries by
government
Suggestion
governments
the government
 with huge expenses. It is claimed by a group of people that money which is spent for festivals should be invested in more useful things. I disagree with the given statement since I believe that these celebrations are the way of protection of
country’s cultural heritage
Suggestion
the country’s cultural heritage
a country’s cultural heritage
 and will lead to
stronger relationship
Suggestion
stronger relationships
a stronger relationship
 of
society
Suggestion
the society
.
First
 of all, public celebrations remind people the national values of their old cultures. It helps
indigenuos
originating where it is found
indigenous
 people to pass their cultural heritage to the
next
 generations. It is undeniable that
maintaning
keep in a certain state, position, or activity; e.g., "keep clean"
maintaining
mentioning
mountain
 of traditions of
country
Suggestion
the country
 is vitally important to represent it in other foreign countries as each
countries
Suggestion
country
 have their own worthies and history.
Moreover
, national festivals or holidays make a stronger bond between
citiziens
a native or naturalized member of a state or other political community
citizens
citizen
 and promote a social solidarity in
country
Suggestion
the country
a country
. Needless to say, a stable relationship of people will enable
country
Suggestion
the country
countries
 to be more powerful.
For example
, The Independence Day of Republic is the one of the most necessary celebrations. If all people enthusiastically celebrate it, high inspiration of association would be felt in the
country
. In conclusion,
although
quantitiy
Suggestion
the quantity
quantity
 of money is spent on public holidays is much
,
Accept space
,
it is
also
 as beneficial as other useful things. It enables old history and national values of
country
Suggestion
the country
 to be preserved and allows local people to be much closer to each other.
Submitted by nuridesirinzade on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fostering
  • national pride
  • unity
  • cultural heritage
  • sense of belonging
  • boost the local economy
  • hospitality and retail sectors
  • showcase
  • global audience
  • foreign relations
  • multifaceted
  • allocating
  • quality of life
  • social inclusion
  • cohesive and inclusive society
What to do next:
Look at other essays: