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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the relative electricity consumption and cost per year of various household devices. Write a 150-word report for a university lecturer explaining the data and making comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the relative electricity consumption and cost per year of various household devices. Write a 150-word report for a university lecturer explaining the data and making comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart compares 16 different items of household equipment in terms of the
overall
Linking Words
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
consumption and expense of operating.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that pool
pump
Fix the agreement mistake
pumps
show examples
 and
spa
Fix the agreement mistake
spas
show examples
 are by far the most significant spending by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals
although
Linking Words
, the relative energy consumption of domestic equipment tends to have no clear pattern.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the spa has accounted for a total of around 190 dollars, approximately 2225
kWh
Use synonyms
 per
year
Use synonyms
 which is the highest figure shown in the chart. In
second
Linking Words
 place on the all-time chart is the pool pump, just nearly 125 or 1500
kWh
Use synonyms
/
year
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, there are vast differences in
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
show examples
 and energy usage of
microwave
Fix the agreement mistake
microwaves
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 and
fridge
Fix the agreement mistake
fridges
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.
While
Linking Words
 the former consumes only $15 or 150
kWh
Use synonyms
/
year
Use synonyms
, the latter consumes at least six times that amount. Only three household items – the home computer, aquarium/ terrarium, and dishwasher spending have witnessed more than 42 dollars, all with similar proportions of
kWh
Use synonyms
 (over 650
kWh
Use synonyms
) for each item. Apart from that, there are some household items which consume relatively little energy namely electric blanket (approx. $10 0r 100
kWh
Use synonyms
/
year
Use synonyms
), microwave
oven
Fix the agreement mistake
ovens
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 (around $15 or 150
kWh
Use synonyms
 /
year
Use synonyms
) and television ($17 and around 170
kWh
Use synonyms
/
year
Use synonyms
).

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words kwh, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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