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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the relative electricity consumption and cost per year of various household devices. Write a 150-word report for a university lecturer explaining the data and making comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the relative electricity consumption and cost per year of various household devices. Write a 150-word report for a university lecturer explaining the data and making comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart compares 16 different items of household equipment in terms of the
overall
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
consumption and expense of operating.
Overall
, it is noticeable that pool
pump
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pumps
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 and
spa
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spas
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 are by far the most significant spending by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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individuals
although
, the relative energy consumption of domestic equipment tends to have no clear pattern.
To begin
 with, the spa has accounted for a total of around 190 dollars, approximately 2225
kWh
 per
year
 which is the highest figure shown in the chart. In
second
 place on the all-time chart is the pool pump, just nearly 125 or 1500
kWh
/
year
.
However
, there are vast differences in
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
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 and energy usage of
microwave
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microwaves
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 and
fridge
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fridges
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.
While
 the former consumes only $15 or 150
kWh
/
year
, the latter consumes at least six times that amount. Only three household items – the home computer, aquarium/ terrarium, and dishwasher spending have witnessed more than 42 dollars, all with similar proportions of
kWh
 (over 650
kWh
) for each item. Apart from that, there are some household items which consume relatively little energy namely electric blanket (approx. $10 0r 100
kWh
/
year
), microwave
oven
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ovens
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 (around $15 or 150
kWh
 /
year
) and television ($17 and around 170
kWh
/
year
).

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words kwh, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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