IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The responsibility of bringing up children should be shared equally between mother and father

#responsibility #children #mother #father
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It is generally considered that children are generally taken care of by
Use synonyms
mother
Suggestion
the mother
 and father is solely responsible for financial aspect of family. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because family is incomplete, having exclusively of any
parent
Use synonyms
 and it is the responsibility of both parents to look after their children.
Firstly
Linking Words
, both
mother
Use synonyms
 and father are equivalently responsible for bringing up children as it helps children to be a fine character citizen. In the absence of a
Use synonyms
parent whether
Accept comma addition
parent, whether
 it is
Use synonyms
mother
Suggestion
the mother
a mother
 or father creates a lack of security in
Use synonyms
child’s mind
Suggestion
the child’s mind
a child’s mind
.
For example
Linking Words
, Prime Minister of India Narendra modi was growing up as a single
parent
Use synonyms
child
Use synonyms
 and he had to face financial issues in their family due to lack of resources. So
that is
Linking Words
 why it is important to have both parents and their enrolment for a
child
Use synonyms
’s life.
Secondly
Linking Words
, imagine the situation where
child
Use synonyms
 responsibilities are owned by only one
parent
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. It can be the worst case scenario for any children, which might cause social issues or discrepancy in
Use synonyms
child’s though process
Suggestion
child’s thought process
the child’s though process
the child’s though process the child’s though process
. It may
consequently
Linking Words
 result in psychological and behavioural issue with the
child
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, There was a
child
Use synonyms
 in my neighbour who consumed poison due to loneliness at home in the absence of his
mother
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 and insecurity of isolation made him kill.
Thus
Linking Words
, it becomes necessary for parents to share children responsibility equally. To conclude, I strongly believe parents should share the accountability of children equally as it would help children to grow up as strong person with calmness and sense of responsibility

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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