IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

These days many people live or work overseas in a different country than they were born in. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this and then give your own opinion.

Nowadays, some living or working in another nation which is not their nationality.
This
Linking Words
 essay will suggest having chances in the development career is the biggest advantage of
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
over sea
Correct your spelling
overseas
show examples
, and the cultural shock will be the primary disadvantage when living there. On the one hand, having a job and aboard to work is an opportunity to develop yourself in your career. You can work, study and know the way foreign companies
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
. It is the chance for you to challenge yourself and if you
passed
Wrong verb form
pass
show examples
 it, you will
self-confidence
Add a missing verb
have self-confidence
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 if not, you will not regret you missed a chance to prove yourself.
For instance
Linking Words
, my cousin
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 a chance to study and have a job in Europe, but she decided to continue studying and work in my country. Now, rarely she
regrets
Wrong verb form
regret
show examples
 her decision.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, getting shocked will be a worthy thing which you will receive for the first time living in another land. You will see many different things with your familiar. The food you cannot eat, the laws, the music you listen to or anything other, everything
so
Add a missing verb
is so
show examples
 strange. A lonely feeling hems around you which makes you
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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sad and cry. Take my brother as an example, he used to labour in Taiwan. He usually felt alone and missed family after his tasks because he was unfamiliar with that culture and could not understand them. In conclusion, I believe that working abroad is an opportunity
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 your career development, which overshadows the difficulties that cultural shock brings to you when you
initially
Linking Words
 live in another area.

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coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear main idea, but it could be better organized. Try to create clear paragraphs for each point you want to make. This will help the reader follow your ideas more easily.
task achievement
You gave examples that support your ideas, but they were a bit brief. Try to give more details in your examples to help the reader understand your points better.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to check your grammar and spelling. Some sentences were hard to understand, and small errors can make your writing less clear.
task achievement
You have a good introduction that clearly states your opinion.
task achievement
You made an effort to use personal examples, which makes your essay more relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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