IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In Multi-Cultural society, people of different culture and backgrounds live and work together. Do you think the advantages of Multicultural society outweigh the disadvantages?

#society #people #culture #backgrounds #work
In the current era, where people have become more career oriented along with the ongoing advancement in the field of technology which has brought the world a click closer, the concept of multicultural societies has sparked much debate.
Convincible
 arguments can be presented for
this
 topical discussion which I will detail out now. On the
one
 hand, some worry that ethnic inclusiveness can cause cultural dilution
where
have the quality of being; (copula, used with an adjective or a predicate noun)
were
 living together with different religion can cause
one
 to practice the latter more.
Secondly
, living of two opposing
culture
Suggestion
cultures
 can disturb the peace and harmony of the nation,
for
example in
Accept comma addition
example, in
 some countries a woman cannot be touched by a man other than her husband
however
, in other countries hugging is considered a friendly gesture.
Such
 situation might initiate unnecessary fights among the two.
Finally
, if the population of a particular diversity outweighs the rest it can be a threat to not just the host
country but
Accept comma addition
country, but
 other natives as well, if the
intensions
an anticipated outcome that is intended or that guides your planned actions
intentions
 aren’t sumptuous.
On the other hand
, exposure to various customs, art and heritage gives
person
Suggestion
people
a person
the person
 a chance to imbibe the likings in their own lifestyle and isn’t restricted with what they are born with.
Furthermore
, after
few trial
Suggestion
a few trial
 and errors the societal conditions make a man more acceptable towards other races which lead to open
mindedness
, harmony and peace in the nation.
For example
, the
crimes
Suggestion
crime
 rates in Canada and United Kingdom are lower than countries with singular religion like Pakistan, India.
Infact
Suggestion
In fact
, both the former nations have a considerable population and Indians and Pakistanis living happily with each
other whereas
Accept comma addition
other, whereas
one
 often hears the news about Indo-Pak boarder firings and digital hatred.
Lastly
, food is a vital part of our humanity and different civilizations
offer
Suggestion
offers
 interesting
food cooking
Accept comma addition
food, cooking
 techniques and exquisite dishes with reaping health benefits. Multiculturalism offers
one
 a chance to learn about the respective and inculcate the same in their personal lives. To summarize,
inspite
Suggestion
in spite
 of some disadvantage of diverse ethnicity a strict law and order and help monitor the cons.
Thus
, I agree that the positives of cross cultural nations outbalance the negatives.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: