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Band 6

Counties are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#counties #people #products #world #development
Nowadays,
countries
 are becoming more or less the same because similar products are available for people in any part of the world.
Although
 it has potential upsides, I believe negative consequences,
such
 as less variety of products and worsening commercial
businesses
 , are more noticeable.
To begin
 with, there should be fierce competition among
countries
 to offer the best products and services for their customers. But when there is a lack
variety
Change preposition
of variety
show examples
 of them , customers can not satisfy and try to spend less money on
such
 produce.
Accordingly
 , they
also
 may allocate the money to other activities and even stop to go shopping.
Moreover
 , what exacerbates the situation is that if the choice of items is limited everywhere, immigrants can deviate from the path of buying items
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
overseas.
As a result
 , migration can gradually become unpopular in the world, leading to economic burden and less profits for migration companies. Another concern for
this
 trend would be more striking, which is the recession of
businesses
 and companies.
That is
 to say, the economy and some commercial
businesses
 can be easily affected by
this
 kind of similarity among
countries
 .
That is
 because, if
countries
 bear a striking resemblance to each other, they cannot impress their potential customers and consumers.
For instance
 , pizza originally belonged to Italy,
however
, today
this
 meal can effortlessly be found in every part of the world.
Hence
 , the uniqueness of Italy in terms of local cuisine has been
faden
Correct your spelling
faded
 away by the adoption of nations. In conclusion, I agree the fact that
countries
 are
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more similar in terms of trade exacerbates the situation of
businesses
 and the economy , bringing more drawbacks than benefits,
such
 as disapproval of migrants and deterioration of the unique values of nations.
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task response
Clarify your position from the beginning and ensure each paragraph supports your overall view. Avoid ambiguity in your stance to strengthen your argument.
task response
Develop your ideas more fully with specific examples. Instead of mentioning broad negatives like 'less variety of products,' detail how this trend affects cultural diversity or local businesses.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs. Phrases such as 'furthermore,' 'despite,' and 'consequently' can help signpost your argument and improve flow.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea. This structure will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Revise your conclusion to more clearly summarize your argument and restate your position. A strong closing can significantly impact the reader's comprehension of your essay's overall stance.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • Uniformity
  • Cultural exchange
  • Accessibility
  • Economic implications
  • Local economies
  • Sustainability
  • Environmental considerations
  • Consumer choice
  • Quality of life
  • Overconsumption
  • Artisanal goods
  • Global community
  • Trade and commerce
  • Eroding local businesses
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