IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people believe that it is better to spend more money to eliminate the cause of crime while others think that the government should spend more on punishment. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #money #crime #government #punishment
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It is argued that
crime
Use synonyms
 can be
eradicate
Suggestion
eradicated
 by spending money while others believe that fund should be
spend
Suggestion
spent
 on punishment by
government
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the both the views in with some examples. One of the most benefits to eliminate
crime
Use synonyms
 is to create employment job opportunities.
Large
Suggestion
The largest
 number of illegal activities are performed by the
unemployement population
Accept comma addition
unemployment, population
unemployment population
 in order to earn money for their basic livings.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if
government
Use synonyms
 provides jobs to those than there will be less chances of committing
crime
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, In China
tremandous
extraordinarily large in size or extent or amount or power or degree
tremendous
 human being are offered for works to
reduces
Suggestion
reduce
 the corrupt activities. On the other side,
Use synonyms
government
Suggestion
the government
 should implement strict punishment by introducing heavy fines. If
high penalty
Suggestion
the higher penalty
higher penalty
 is announced,
fearness
an emotion experienced in anticipation of some specific pain or danger (usually accompanied by a desire to flee or fight)
fears
fairness
 among people develops and force not to commit criminal activities in the country.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Australian people
Suggestion
the Australian people
 are forced to pay
penalty
Suggestion
a penalty
penalties
 if one breaches the rules like over speeding driving In conclusion,
government
Use synonyms
 should play an active role in
crime
Use synonyms
 reduction by creating different types of
employement
the state of being employed or having a job
employment
 facilities.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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