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Band 5.5

Parents, usually mothers, stay at home to look after their family. People believe they should receive a salary from the government for that. Do you agree or disagree?

#parents #mothers #home #people #salary #government
There are those who believe that the government has to pay a salary
to
Suggestion
for
 mothers who take care of their family members, and I totally agree with
this
 opinion because raising kids
requires
Suggestion
require
 much money, and mothers have to sacrifice their careers. The main reason why I believe that mothers should be paid by the government is that raising kids is to make the country’s future better but needs an enormous amount of money.
For instance
, in South Korea, according to a report from one of the prestigious universities, raising kids from infants to adults demands about 200,000 dollars on average.
This
 is due to the competitive society where a high level of education is necessary. Mothers and families need more budget to make their babies better citizens who have a satisfactory and sound outlook of life.
Therefore
 affording a regular salary to mothers seems reasonable. Another reason why I support the notion that housewives should be compensated is that housewives might give up not only a chance to earn more money but their career.
In particular
, a female engineer who had to quit or leave for maternity, and she could not experience the most recent trend regarding semi-conductor, which is very highly developing and changing technology day by day, so after her
come-back
a quick reply to a question or remark (especially a witty or critical one)
comeback
, she tries to catch up the latest trend but might be struggle adapting to it.
Therefore
, they need financial
support at
Accept comma addition
support, at
 least for its compensation;
otherwise
, it is pretty unfair for them. In conclusion, I completely agree with the opinion that the government must pay a salary for mothers because raising kids is very crucial for the nation, and mother
have
Suggestion
has
 to give up their careers for a long time.
Submitted by jimmyang1985 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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