IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more people are suffering from health problems caused by modern life style which cannot be treated with modern medicines. Some people think that a return to traditional medicine should be encourage. What extent do you agre?

#people #health #life #style #medicines #medicine #agre
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It is often argued that
growing number
Suggestion
a growing number
 of population
,
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,
nowadays, is having health issues,
as a result
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 of modern ways of life
,
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,
which are not curable by the latest advanced drugs.
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However some
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However, some
 have
point
Suggestion
a point
 of view to fall back to the conventional modes of
treatment
Use synonyms
 for
such
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 cases.In my view
,
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,
current methods of
treatment
Use synonyms
 are far better than
old ways
Suggestion
the old ways
 of
cure
Use synonyms
.
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this
Suggestion
This
 essay will examine both views before a final conclusion is drawn. On the one hand,
conentional
following accepted customs and proprieties
conventional
 methods of
treatment
Use synonyms
 remained a source of satisfaction and
cure
Use synonyms
 for population by
utilization
Suggestion
utilizing
 the natural resources
.
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.
For example
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,
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,
in china
,
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,
several herbs are being still used
for
Suggestion
to
cure
Use synonyms
 of many
such
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 diseases which cannot be treated by latest medication.The Shanghai Times reported in March 2010 that cancer of multiple organs in
body
Suggestion
the body
have been treated
Suggestion
has been treated
 by using
chinese
a native or inhabitant of Communist China or of Nationalist China
Chinese
 herbs and it was the most recommended mode of
treatment
Use synonyms
 exclusively in some cancers.So from these examples
,
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,
we can derive the positive ramifications of the
conevtional
following accepted customs and proprieties
conventional
 methods in medical science.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
with the advancement of medical technology
,
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,
cure
Use synonyms
 is possible for a number of diseases
,
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,
consequently
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,
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,
this
Linking Words
methods
Suggestion
method
 has a number of positive
imapcts
the striking of one body against another
impacts
 in current medication.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
for
Suggestion
For
 almost every disease
,
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,
drugs are readily available
,
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,
though sometimes
expensive but
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expensive, but
 hopes are there for
cure
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
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,
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,
if we consider
surgical aspect
Suggestion
surgical aspects
the surgical aspect
 of
Use synonyms
treatment
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treatment, then
then
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,
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,
it outweighs the
conventinal
following accepted customs and proprieties
conventional
 ways of
treatment
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, in many advanced cities
,
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,
treatment
Use synonyms
 is done by
use
Suggestion
the use
 of robots as well.
Linking Words
this
Suggestion
This
 can be exemplified by one survey
,
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,
recently
done
produced by a manufacturing process
made
 in
USA
Suggestion
the USA
 which showed the comparison between new modes of
treatment
Use synonyms
 as compared to conservative methods.
results
Suggestion
The results
Results
 were
surprisingly
Suggestion
surprised
surprising
 in the favour of latest technology. To conclude
,
Accept space
,
Use synonyms
cure
Suggestion
the cure
 should be
achieved whether
Accept comma addition
achieved, whether
 its by latest technology or by
conventional method
Suggestion
the conventional method
a conventional method
conventional methods
,
Accept space
,
however
Linking Words
,
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,
people are having faith and trust in newer methods for
treatment
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by aadidoc508 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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