IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries there is a widening gap between the rich and the poor. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

#countries #gap
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The
world
Use synonyms
 is currently ruled by the rich and highly
influentional
having or exercising influence or power
influential
people the ruling
Suggestion
people in the ruling
 parties of various countries
follows
Suggestion
follow
 crony capitalism where
rich
Suggestion
the rich
 gets richer and poor gets poorer.
This
Linking Words
 happens mostly in developing and
under developed
relating to societies in which capital needed to industrialize is in short supply
underdeveloped
 countries
.
Accept space
.
Entreprenuer
Suggestion
Entrepreneur
 and Business men need low wage workers to keep their business growing and to be in competition with the
world
Use synonyms
 markets. The Major causes for the gap between the poor and the rich are corruption at
goverment
the organization that is the governing authority of a political unit
government
level
Use synonyms
, basic primary
level
Use synonyms
 of education
,
Accept space
,
recession
,
Accept space
,
cheap labour and
many
Suggestion
much
 more.In
India which
Accept comma addition
India, which
 is a developing
country
Use synonyms
 where 90
percentage
Suggestion
percentages
 of
country
Use synonyms
 wealth is among the 10 percent of the
popultion
the people who inhabit a territory or state
population
populations
.Since India is
secound
coming next after the first in position in space or time or degree or magnitude
second
 largest populated
country
Use synonyms
 in the
world
Use synonyms
 the figures shows that there is
tremondous gap
Suggestion
a tremendous gap
tremendous gap
 between the rich and the poor.The major cause
for
Suggestion
of
such
Linking Words
 is cheap labour rates where workers are not payed properly and there is no fix timing for their working hours.So the poor people had to work very hard in their field so employers get more
benfits
financial assistance in time of need
benefits
benefit
.
Coruption
Suggestion
Corruption
 by
goverement
the organization that is the governing authority of a political unit
government
employess
a worker who is hired to perform a job
employees
employers
 and some influential people
also
Linking Words
 misuses their ruling power and does not transfer the public benefits need to be given to poor people by the
goverment
the organization that is the governing authority of a political unit
government
level
Use synonyms
 schemes get blocked or they might itself gain for their own benefits.
Such
Linking Words
level
Use synonyms
 of corrupt practises causes
wastage
Suggestion
waste
 of
tax payer
someone who pays taxes
taxpayer
 money and the poorer people suffers. Black money laundering and not paying the taxes
are
Suggestion
is
also
Linking Words
 one the major causes which can lead recession and poor class suffers. To improve the life of poor sustainable
level
Use synonyms
 of work
need
Suggestion
needed
 to be done for overall benefits.Each and every
country
Use synonyms
 must have fixed minimum labour
rate which
Accept comma addition
rate, which
 should be enough for the daily needs of people.The
goverement
the organization that is the governing authority of a political unit
government
 should implement many subsidies and schemes which directly benefits the poorer section of the society. In
current
Suggestion
the current world scenario
world
Use synonyms
 scenario the
world
Use synonyms
 the gap between the rich and the poor cannot be same
.
Accept space
.
 Making a utopia is just imaginary concept and balance between rich and poor should be there to keep a stable economy.Proper primary education to their and
upliftment
Suggestion
 of
poor
Suggestion
the poor
withoust
in absence of
without
 discriminating on caste
,
Accept space
,
race
,
Accept space
,
colour can
also
Linking Words
 lead to better
sustainably
capable of being sustained
sustainable
 developing state.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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