IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Many people judge success solely by money and material possessions. however, success can be achieved or measured in other ways. What are your opinion about this subject?

#people #judge #success #money #possessions
For so many years, some people’s philosophy was that we should measure success and fortune with financial aspects. In my opinion,
although
 having a good financial condition is a crucial part of
life
, other parts like friendship or family are important too. On the one hand, some higher values of
life
 like spending time with your family or having a good relation with your relatives is a very important aspect of
life
.
For example
, if you do not spend much time with your child and miss their memorable incident,
then
 when you get older you do not have many common things with them.
Furthermore
, we should be sensitive about our responsibility
for
Suggestion
to
 our family and we are not born to just make
money
, we are here to spend
money
 on our satisfaction. So, we cannot judge people by their wealth, we should consider the true meaning of
life
.
On the other hand
, having
money
 is an inevitable concept that we can ignore it.
Besides
 that, without adequate
money
, we are not able to help others and
also
 poor people.
For instance
, bill gates, the founder of Microsoft company, devoted his 90% of his
money
 to charities, and when the reports asked him about what was your purpose, he said I have enough
money
 for the rest of my
life
, so I wanted to do something and I did it. So, if we spend
money
 in a good way it could be a turning point for the world. In conclusion, even though,
money
 plays a key role in our modern society, we cannot ignore the importance of other aspects of
life
.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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