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Band 6.5

The table below shows information and predictions regarding the change in percentage of the poplulation age 65 and above in three countries.

The table below shows information and predictions regarding the change in percentage of the poplulation age 65 and above in three countries.
#information #predictions #change #percentage #poplulation #age #three #countries
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This
Linking Words
 table graph illustrates information about the development in
Use synonyms
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
 of the community age group above 65 in Canada, Germany and the United Kingdom between the year 1988 till 2030.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that Germany experienced the highest rate,
while
Linking Words
 the UK showed the smallest
percentage
Use synonyms
 during the period. In 1988, Germany showed a number of 20.45
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 increased by 5 % in 2000, with 25.32%.
At the end
Linking Words
 of the period.
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 the beginning, Canada's rate was 16.32%, which was slightly higher than the UK numbers. In 2000, the rate rose
up
Change preposition
apply
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to 20.67%. In the final
year
Add a comma
,year
show examples
 it increased to a
percentage
Use synonyms
 of 26.36.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the numbers in the United Kingdom were relatively lower than
both
Change preposition
in both
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries. The UK contributed 14.35% of the total
percentage
Use synonyms
 in 1988. In 2000, it slightly rose to 14.89%.
Finally
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 showed an upward trend to 20.35%.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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