IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The diagram below gives information about the number of parcels delivered by two major mail services companies from 1920 to 2000.

The diagram below gives information about the number of parcels delivered by two major mail services companies from 1920 to 2000.
#information #parcels #two #mail #services #companies
The given line graph illustrates the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
parcels
 delivered by
FedEx
 and
TNT
 over
a
Change the article
an
show examples
80 year
Add a hyphen
80-year
show examples
period
 from 1920 to 2000.
Overall
 , the number of
parcels
 from
FedEx
 rose slightly despite violent fluctuations
whereas
 the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
parcels
 delivered by
TNT
 increased dramatically.
In addition
 , at the start of the
period
Add a comma
,period
show examples
FedEx
 had more delivered
parcels
 ,which was replaced by
TNT
 from 1985 to 2000. First looking
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
parcels
 by
FedEx
 in 1920 was approximately 15000
then
 it reach a peak at under 25000 in 1940 .
Afterwards
Add a comma
,Afterwards
show examples
 it declined sharply to the lowest point in the
period
, but
this
 rose gradually to under 20000 in the final year.
In contrast
 , the trend of
parcels
 delivered by
TNT
 increased dramatically throughout the
period
. In 1920 it was approximately 5000 which increased by about 20000 and reached the number of
FedEx
 in 1985 but more sharply to reach a peak at about 25000 in 2000.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words parcels, fedex, tnt, period with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: