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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#say #people #age #work
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Research
reveal
Suggestion
reveals
 that compared to previous years, nowadays, people are more likely to live much longer. That
raise
Suggestion
raises
 a new
gonvernment's
the organization that is the governing authority of a political unit
government
 question: should we increased the retirement age? In my view,
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 disagree for in opinion
First
Linking Words
 of all, some countries are facing the
unemployees
not engaged in a gainful occupation
unemployed
. People have already
grantuated
acknowledged as a supposition
granted
guaranteed
 roaming around toward the street without proper jobs. Older workers may complete the necessary skills for
work
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, if
stafe
the territory occupied by one of the constituent administrative districts of a nation
state
 employees
works
Suggestion
work
 for
long
Suggestion
a long time
time
Use synonyms
, the central needs to find more money to their relieving
benefit
Suggestion
benefits
, which
caculated
carefully thought out in advance
calculated
bassically
in essence; at bottom or by one's (or its) very nature
basically
 on their experience.
This
Linking Words
 problem caused the imbalance in our community or society. Mostly
happended
come to pass
happened
 in developing countries.
Next
Linking Words
, older people
whi
the person or persons that; the one that
who
 over the age of labour easily have some health problems or become impatient
in
Suggestion
with
work
Use synonyms
. They
're some
Suggestion
sometime create
're sometime create
're sometime creating
're sometime created
'll sometime create
've sometime created
time
Use synonyms
 create problems in adapting new changes by losing
ethusiasm
a feeling of excitement
enthusiasm
 toward their jobs and no longer keeping effectiveness for companies.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are some countries have
more older
Suggestion
older
 than youth or they're totally stability in populations. In fact, the jobs which required someone who used to
work
Use synonyms
 for
long
Suggestion
a long time
time
Use synonyms
 or having experience for years
such
Linking Words
 as the designing jobs or art
work
Use synonyms
...
are
Suggestion
Are
 available for
olders
plural of other; the people or things not already mentioned
others
orders
. Some companies have agency or application for old people. Not only for them to kill
time
Use synonyms
, but
also
Linking Words
 feeling happier and more useless In conclusion, I disagree with the opinion that increasing the age of requirement
Submitted by tragiangtruong378 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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