IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the line graph below shows the main reasons people gave for moving away from a particular city to the countryside. summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, making comparisons were relevant.

the line graph below shows the main reasons people gave for moving away from a particular city to the countryside. summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, making comparisons were relevant.
Every year many
people
Use synonyms
 relocate to the countryside to restart their lives away from capital
cities
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. The line graph illustrates the number of city-leavers and their main motivations to leave the
cities
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during
Change preposition
from
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 1990 to 2010. The motivations were considered as the rising
cost
Use synonyms
 of living, traffic and lifestyle. As the graph illustrates the number of
people
Use synonyms
 living
Use synonyms
cities
Change preposition
in cities
show examples
 were on the
rise
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 during the period. The main
reason
Use synonyms
 for many to relocate to the countryside was the rising
cost
Use synonyms
 of living in
cities
Use synonyms
. there was a marked increase in the number by a noticeable distance;
however
Linking Words
,
rising
Add an article
the rising
show examples
cost
Use synonyms
 of living is the only
reason
Use synonyms
 which experienced any fall (from 2000 to 2010). Another
reason
Use synonyms
 for leaving
cities
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 was traffic which saw the steepest
rise
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, especially between 2000 and 2010.
Moreover
Linking Words
, lifestyle motivated about 20,000
people
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 to relocate to the countryside. It saw a gradual and consistent increase.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the graph shows all the three
Use synonyms
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 have risen over the period. Despite a fall in numbers in the
second
Linking Words
 half of the period,
rising
Add an article
the rising
show examples
cost
Use synonyms
 of living was the main motivation for city-leavers. Traffic had the highest
rise
Use synonyms
 in
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of motivating
people
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 and lifestyle experienced a progressive and stable
rise
Use synonyms
.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, cities, cost, rise, reason with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 4 times.
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