IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The tables show the number of mobile phones sold in millions of for a period of six years. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and makes comparisons where relevant

The tables show the number of mobile phones sold in millions of for a period of six years. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and makes comparisons where relevant
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The table describes that a number of mobile
phone
Change to a plural noun
phones
show examples
 were sold in millions between 2006 and 2012. There are divided into three groups; one is that the number of mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 sold
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 Nokia and Ericsson went up
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 about 2
years
Use synonyms
 before going down, and
while
Linking Words
 the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 sold
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 Motorola tended to decrease significantly from 2006 to 2012, the two brands left had
opposite
Add an article
an opposite
show examples
 trend. Beginning
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
selling 345 and 74
million
Use synonyms
 in 2006, and it was about 2
years
Use synonyms
 later that the
figure
Use synonyms
 increased to 475 and 102
million
Use synonyms
 respectively
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
tendency
Add an article
the tendency
a tendency
show examples
 of Nokia and Ericsson.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 trend was gone down in
Use synonyms
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 left.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in 2012,
this
Linking Words
 group had the
lowest sold
Add a hyphen
lowest-sold
show examples
 mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 with 335 and 28
million
Use synonyms
 in the older given. In 2006,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 number of mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 sold
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 Motorola were 210
million
Use synonyms
,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is about 7 times as many as the
figure
Use synonyms
 in 2012.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the quantity of mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 sold
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
Samsum
Correct your spelling
Samsung
 and
IPhone
Fix capitalization
iPhone
show examples
 had
tendency
Add an article
a tendency
the tendency
show examples
 to increase quickly between 2006 and 2012. To be more specific, the
figure
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 Samsum and
IPhone
Fix capitalization
iPhone
show examples
 began from 117 and 0
million
Use synonyms
 to 396,5 and 135,8
million
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
turn. That meant the
figure
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 Samsum and
IPhone
Fix capitalization
iPhone
show examples
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 nearly 3 times and 136 times as many as for a period of six
years
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words phones, years, million, figure with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: