IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

People aim to achieve balance between their work and lives. But few people achieve it. What are the causes of the problems? How to over come it?

#people #aim #balance #work #lives
It is claimed that keeping
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work-life harmony for most people nowadays is just out of the question.
This
 essay will point out reasons and solutions to tackle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them. With the intensity of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 explosion and the incessant rise of the market economy, most people seem to
trap
Wrong verb form
be trapped
show examples
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the race to meet the social norm.
In other words
 , to accommodate the desire
of possessing
Change preposition
to possess
show examples
 certain valued properties
such
 as housing, cars,
facilities
Correct word choice
and facilities
show examples
, an individual has to work harder for financial gains.
Moreover
 ,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
those who after years of making
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 effort,
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
finally
 climb the ladder of success in their career,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are more likely to be attracted by the glory of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 achievements and yearn for
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
higher
self actualization
Add a hyphen
self-actualization
show examples
. To
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
such
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
, they inevitably become more reachable
as a result
 of work extension and the increase in the number of related personnel, which leads to a
further
 sacrifice of their personal life
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
exchange
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their desirable social recognition. In order to overcome
this
 issue, there are no other ways, but one’s will to set up a more reasonable timetable and schedule for their daily tasks.
For example
 ,
instead
 of spending most of his or her being in the office, one can register
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
fitness or meditation class after work to boost their
inner-self
Correct your spelling
self
show examples
.
Besides
 , they can
also
 maintain some of their hobbies by sharing these with friends and family, especially
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the weekends when most companies are off and undone tasks can be put aside until next Monday. In case, some people may still blame workloads as the culprit for their time loss, it is vital that they consult an expert
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 time management so that they
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 acknowledge what to prioritize in their agenda. In conclusion, a compromise between material and spiritual life seems to be very challenging to accomplish
due to
 several reasons belonging to modernization.
However
 , time arrangement should be the key to any problems related to our social life.
Submitted by pirnapasovjoshqin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Work-life balance: the equilibrium between one's job responsibilities and personal life.
  • Overwork: working too hard or for excessive amounts of time.
  • Remote work: working from a location other than the central work office, often from home.
  • Flexible working hours: work hours that are adaptable to suit an employee's needs.
  • Commuting: traveling between one's home and workplace.
  • Digital technology: electronic tools and systems used to generate, store, and process data, often leading to increased connectivity.
  • Disconnect: to detach from technology or work communications, often to establish boundaries.
  • Time management: the ability to use one's time effectively or productively.
  • Prioritize: to determine the order for dealing with tasks according to their importance.
  • Employer support: programs or practices employed by an organization to assist employees in managing work and personal roles.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: